Cursed
Slow week for movies. Slow 2 weeks for this blog. The lack of update can be blamed partially on my illness, which has lasted a personal record 14 days (and counting). In the course of being sick, I also became dehydrated and my lip split. The resulting dried blood and scarring are the stuff of horror flicks.
So, what is this movie? The trailer bills it as another creation from the "Master of Terror" (what University confers that degree?), Wes Craven. I suspect it's a werewolf flick, although the previews (wisely?) don't show any (crappy CGI?) creatures. If I remember that old Fox series Werewolf correctly, the guy with lycanthropy had a pentagram on his palm: much like the one featured in the trailers for Cursed.
Cursed carries a PG-13 rating, which seems tame for a horror flick. What does the benign PG-13 rating mean exactly? No significant cursing? No nudity? No excessive gore? Aren't those the crucial ingredients of a horror film? Maybe the Cravenly one can put together a significantly shocking film under the constraints of a PG-13. Christina Ricci should help; she was in Monster and The Addams Family flicks.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Sight Unseen: February 25, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
Sight Unseen: February 18, 2005
Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.
Because of Winn-Dixie
When did it become fashionable to hyphenate dog names? Check out the names of the dogs at the Westminster Kennel Club. Just try getting "Taliesin's Llenlleawg" out of your mouth when your prize Irish Wolfhound gets loose. By the time you're at the second syllable, the dog is 5 miles away. The trend probably started with Old Yeller, and just got out of control.
Because of Winn-Dixie (a movie about a girl and her dog) has a promotional tie-in with the Winn-Dixie store. Because of Winn-Dixie, we now have a new fruit basket. If they can make successful movies out of video games, why not retail stores? Coming soon to a multiplex near you: For the Love of Piggly Wiggly.
Constantine
Is this the most blasphemous movie ever? Based on the comic Hellblazer, the trailer implies that God and the Devil are at war for the souls of humans, and only Keanu Reeves tip the balance in God's favor. Are they implying that our omnipotent God could lose a war with the Devil? Whoa.
Son of the Mask
Remember 1994? That was when The Mask was in theaters. It's been more than a decade since Jim Carrey found Cameron Diaz to be "Smmmokin'!" This sequel has straight-to-video written all over it, so it probably won't be in theaters long. Is it just me or is Alan Cumming the second coming of Pee Wee Herman (only with his own fragrance)?
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Sick on a Sick Day
Fever, headache, disorientation, an inability to come up with a decent blog entry.
Yep, I'm sick.
Only thing to do is put on Raiders of the Lost Ark, drink tea from my Paul Coffey mug, and feel ambivalent about the loss of the NHL season. Only 14 days until Spring Training.
Ooh. The mail just arrived.
Looking for a blog with some substance and a purpose? Check out the short story project. When trying to think of a theme for this blog, I toyed with the notion of drinking a different beer each day (an easy feat considering my proximity to the Foodery), but, in addition to being a derivative idea, it is also a poor substitute for reading.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Arthur Miller: 1915--2005
Everyone has an Arthur Miller story to tell. With his passing last Thursday, I thought now would be an appropriate time to share mine.
It was the Fall of 1991 (I think), and Millersville University, was hosting that year's International Arthur Miller Conference. I believe the MU fratboys dubbed it "Miller Fest" and made it a drinking occasion (lots of Miller High Life consumed that day). The man, not the myth, Arthur Miller was the guest of honor (a surprise choice for a festival bearing his name, right?), and spoke to an assembled crowd of scholars, English majors, and snot-nosed punks (including yours truly). Sadly, despite paying attention at the time, I retain in my memory next to nothing of the content of his speech. I do recall that, as adolescent males, we were predisposed to joking about Miller and Marilyn Monroe. Thankfully, we showed restraint and didn't actually ask any of our stupid questions (yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question).
So, why was I even there? Coinciding with this venerable collegiate celebration, my high school staged Miller's high-school-theater standard, The Crucible (having exhausted the other staple of scholastic theater, Our Town, the previous fall). Despite the lack of any facial hair, worry lines, or adulthood physique (I was a late bloomer), I landed the role of Giles Corey, the cantankerous old geezer. It was the first (and last) time I had ever auditioned for a show with a particular part in mind, but having read the play I admired the character's unrelenting badass attitude, which was exemplified in his dying words: "more weight".
There was a rumor (who knows who started it) that Miller might attend our performance. I never believed it. Sure it would've been cool, but what playwrite wants to witness his/her work stripped of all relevance and butchered by a bunch of teenagers? Some of my fellow cast members were quite talented (the girl playing Abigail Williams, for one), but I mangled Miller's words with my incomprehensible enunciation. To this day, friends and relatives ruthlessly torment me with imitations of my performance (Rwarawrawraw, Goody Putnam). Think Scooby Doo with marbles in his mouth. Still, this line always rang out loud and clear: "A fart on Thomas Putnam, that is what I say to that!"
ELIZABETH: Aye. It were a fearsome man, Giles Corey.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Sight Unseen: February 11, 2005
Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.
Hitch
Why is the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air slumming it with the King of Queens? Big Willie, what are you doing? You ruled the box office for two consecutive 4th of July weekends with Independence Day (1996) and Men in Black (1997; not so much with Wild Wild West, 1999). You successfully jumped from TV to the silver screen; don't let Kevin James pull you back in (or hitch his wagon to your star). Not since Rocky (the fictional boxer) has the fighting city of Philadelphia had a hero of Will Smith's stature, so in these parts he has a get-out-of-Hitch-free card.
Pooh's Heffalump Movie
Fuckin' with the classics. Still, just the word "pooh" will probably garner more laughs than the whole of Hitch. Hopefully, this movie will renew interest in reading A.A. Milne's work.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Extreme Overkill: Pizza Glut
Remember when pizza was a special treat? Pizza isn't special anymore. Kids eat pizza for breakfast ("when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime"; I'd add the offical Bagel Bites link, but their website crashed my internet browser twice, so fuck 'em). Pizza is so not special that pizza chains are forced to come up with crazy new marketing strategies: pizza with flavored dipping sauces, pizza with shit baked inside the crust, extra-layer pizzas, stuffed pizza, square pizza, pizza paired with buffalo wings or breadsticks, pizza with novel toppings, etc."Where'd the cheese go?"* --Ween
Check this out: the term "Meat Lover's" is a registered trademark of Pizza Hut. Likewise "Pepperoni Lover's", "Sausage Lover's", and "Veggie Lover's" pizzas. Lucky for lactose lovers, the term "Cheese Lover's" is still public domain.
Honestly, if the pizza is made right and tastes good, you don't need bells and whistles to sell it.
*This rejected Pizza Hut jingle was on the Ween website, but it appears they've taken it down. It's out there somewhere and well worth the trouble to find it.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Ash Today, Zits Tomorrow
Ash Wednesday.
Until I moved to Philadelphia, I had never seen anyone practicing this show of faith (smearing ash on their foreheads). Hard to believe that there weren't any devout Catholics in my public high school.
Maybe this is blasphemous (it wouldn't be the first time), but it seems like Catholics play a lot of games with their religion. As if entrance to heaven is determined by performing certain symbolic gestures and adhering to a set of rules (fish on Fridays?). Window dressing.
Isn't faith supposed to be more than a game? Perhaps my interpretation is trivializing the sincerity of these rituals, but wearing ash on Ash Wednesday is like wearing a sports uniform and letting people know what team you play for. Why blemish your skin (or is that part of the Lent sacrifice), when an air-brushed t-shirt from the mall that reads, "Kickin' Ash and Takin' Names" would spread the same message:
"Remember man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return."Good works, people. Good works.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Ossie Davis: 1917--2005
Just a month ago as we were watching Do the Right Thing (on MLK Day, as a matter of fact), I remarked to a friend that Ossie Davis is ageless. Sadly, this very talented man passed away last week.
Go rent his work and "always do the right thing".
Recommended viewing:
Do the Right Thing (1989; a masterpiece; buy Da Mayor a Miller High Life)
Baadasssss! (2003; which I learned was originally titled: How to Get the Man's Foot Outta Your Ass)
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002; a brilliant B-movie with heart)
Cotton Comes to Harlem (1970; writer and director)
Monday, February 07, 2005
A Victory for Unoriginality
Super Bowl XXXIX: Patriots 24, Eagles 21 (Final)
Damn.
If football teams could score points for originality, the Eagles would have won this game. The Patriots are unoriginal, and they embrace and relish their blandness like businessmen. With the Patriots victory, creativity was lost.
I can't recall if, in their last 2 Super Bowl victories, the Patriots celebrated touchdowns in a unique fashion, but last night they had nothing but mimicry. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but on the greatest stage for their sport and profession, the Patriots players couldn't think up a decent endzone dance (or spontaneous emotional response), and resorted to flapping their arms in mockery of the Eagles. Nothing like the Super Bowl shuffle, no "Dirty Bird" (Falcons), no Mile-High Salute, nothing.
And that's Pat-thetic.
After Bowl Notes
With the game over, I can reintroduce red and blue garments back into my wardrobe. Superstition can be a pain in the ass.
8th and Bainbridge: Before the game, revelers on this block were blasting “Eye of the Tiger” on repeat play. It wasn’t surprising to witness brawling after the game at the same location. The fellas were itching for a fight and they found one.
Overheard at the Foodery (10th and Pine): “I hope they’re burning shit somewhere in Philadelphia.” This said by someone who obviously advocates arson, but lacked matches and/or the gumption to personally set a fire.
Gang of six Eagles fans (with murder in their eyes) took off sprinting after a car when the passenger yelled, “Yeah Patriots!” Advertising her allegiance to New England was dumber than the Bainbridge brawling bunch, because I’m sure it was just a matter of time before the car had to stop at a red light and the mob caught up.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Sight Unseen: February 4, 2005
Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.
Boogeyman
I wish this was a Prince concert documentary, but it isn't.
The Wedding Date
Weddings scare a lot more people than the Boogeyman. My first impression of this flick's title was: romantic romp about the calendar date of a wedding and the zany events leading up to the big day. Turns out this movie is either Deuce Bigalow 2 with wedding bells or a reverse Pretty Woman. Dermot Mulroney takes over the Rob Schneider/Julia Roberts role as Debra Messing's "escort". I picture Debra guzzling champagne at the reception and thinking, "Did I pay too much for this gigolo" alternating with "I wonder what stuffing an extra 20 quid in his cummerbund will get me." A word of advice Debra, he may be Dermot Mulroney, but he's still a male escort. So "put a sock on the pickle" or "3 days later, go see the doctor".
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Money Doesn't Grow on Bushes
Excerpt from Bush's State of the Union address on 2/2/2005
"Here is why personal accounts are a better deal. Your money will grow, over time, at a greater rate than anything in the current system can deliver, and your account will provide money for retirement over and above the check you will receive from Social Security."
That sounds like a guarantee. Is Bush guaranteeing that money invested in the stock market will always earn a positive return? I may be an M.B.A. drop-out, but I know the stock market fluctuates (that means it goes up and down). Funny, Bush didn't mention that in his speech. Maybe he forgot about the recent recession. Forgive me if I don't forget that I was downsized three times in four years, Mr. President. Bush 43's guarantee that the stock market will always pay off for retirees sounds like a lie on par with Bush 41's "read my lips: no new taxes". I don't know if Bush's plan for Social Security is good or bad, but I know the money invested in private accounts is not guaranteed to produce a return.
One thing is guaranteed: investment firms can't wait to line their pockets with the broker fees.I learned that in Business Ethics 101.
*underlining mine for emphasis.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Hey, Knob Gobbler!
February 2, 2005: Groundhog Day!
Today on Gobbler's Knob (Pennsylvania), celebrity burrow-dweller Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of winter. But Phil isn't the only working woodchuck in the business of weather forecasting, just the most famous (he even has an official site--but who doesn't these days). Other weathercritters include: General Beauregard Lee (Lilburn, Georgia; no shadow), Jimmy the Groundhog (Sun Prairie, Wisconsin ; no shadow), Balzac Billie (Balzac, Alberta; no shadow), Staten Island Chuck (no shadow), and so on. Groundhog Central, probably the best site on the subject of rodent prognosticators, has the most thorough round-up of these furry forecasters. Personally, I've always been partial to Octoraria Orphie (he saw his shadow) simply because he resides just down the road from my hometown.
Stormfax Weather Almanac chronicles the history of Groundhog Day. Whether (or weather) you believe in the mysticism or not, Groundhog Day is a fun excuse for partying in the dead of winter, unless you're this Canadian killjoy:
Whether it's Shubenacadie Sam, Wiarton Willie in Ontario or Balzac Billy in Alberta, the bogus weather forecasts from these pampered animals attract national attention every Feb. 2 - Groundhog Day.
What all of these reports overlook is that Groundhog Day is February 2, and independent of a critter's shadow, Spring rarely springs earlier than mid-March...6 weeks away. If that kills your buzz, the Bill Murray movie will lift your spirits again.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Philly Speaks Out
It's Media Day in Jacksonville and hordes of news personnel have descended on Florida ("America's Wang" in Homer Simpson's words) to talk with players, coaches, fans, and each other, leaving the city of Philadelphia out in the cold. In this exclusive interview at City Hall, I spoke with our city about the Super Bowl.
Jesse D: Philadelphia, may I call you, Philly?
Philadelphia: Please.
J: Philly, thank you for meeting with me. And might I add, you look wonderful.
P: You’re too kind. Yeah, they finally decided to give City Hall a bath after the years of smog and exhaust have ravaged my once youthful exterior. Citizens, I’m a city! I can’t wash myself. The long arm of the law is just an abstraction, it can’t pick up the litter you carelessly drop on me.
J: Point taken. So, are you excited for the big game on Sunday?
P: Let me put it to you this way:
(beating chest, gorilla style) E!-A!-G!-L!-E!-S! EAGLES!
J: Well said. There’s an awful lot of green around lately, but I noticed that William Penn is not wearing the customary jersey for a team in the Championship.
P: William Penn?
J: On top of City Hall.
P: You mean the statue of Ben Franklin?
J: Uh…
P: Ha! I’m just having some fun with you. You’d be surprised how many tourists that works on. (chuckles) No, the Eagles asked me not to put the jersey on Penn, and out of respect I complied.
J: Do you think they made the request because of "the curse"?
P: Maybe. The last jersey Penn donned was for the Flyers, and look how well they’re doing now.
J: They came close a few years ago.
P: Close doesn’t cut it for me.
J: With the NHL lockout, do you think hockey is dead in Philadelphia?
P: Not at all, the Phantoms are an exciting team. Have you been to one of their affordable, family-oriented games lately?
J: Er, no.
P: Yeah. Me, neither. When was the last time anyone got excited about the Calder Cup? Maybe in the sticks of Hershey or Wilkes-Barre, but I’m Philadelphia, beeutch!
J: Back to the Eagles. Terrell Owens announced today that he will play in the Super Bowl. Your thoughts?
P: I love T.O. He had a tough decision to make. If he decided not to play, he gave me and every other Eagles fan an excuse if they fulfilled Brian Hickey’s prediction. Now that T.O. is playing, he will either be the greatest sports hero in my sports history by catching 400 touchdown passes on a broken leg or just another goat, a la Mitch Williams.
J: No middle ground, eh? I just noticed you’re on your 12th Yuengling.
P: So what? Can’t a town have a little drink to celebrate? I’m in the Super Bowl! Fly Eagles, Fly! C’mon you know the words.
(Sounds of ruckus, a thump, then silence)
Monday, January 31, 2005
Foodstuffs Stuff
Burger King's breakfast sandwich slogan "Wake Up with the King" reminds me a lot of the exclamations made by Annette Bening's character during her affair with the Real Estate King (Peter Gallagher) in American Beauty.
Saw a crushed Silver Thunder can on the sidewalk outside my office building (it wasn't mine, I swear). It's good to know that between the tandem of Silver Thunder and Green Lightning, one of the two elemental malt liquors is still being produced (and consumed). Shortly after the "Summer Storm" (a well-documented event involving 40s, prank phone calls, a half-dozen hurled eggs, and a job termination), Green Lightning was discontinued (possibly for the dangerous levels of mischief it incited). I have a 16-ounce can of Green Lightning shelved somewhere that I hope will be poured on my grave.
A note to brand-name 40 drinkers: Colt 45 is the choice for value (45 oz for the price of 40), but Olde English 800 is still the Cadillac of 40s.
"All this computer hacking is making me thirsty." --Homer Simpson
Friday, January 28, 2005
Sight Unseen: January 28, 2005
Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.
Alone in the Dark
In the department store of Hollywood, intertwining escalators of fame have landed Christian Slater and Tara Reid on the Alone in the Dark floor. Slater seems to be back on the ascent (still earning a living by impersonating Jack Nicholson though, now in a London production of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), while Reid (much publicized implants and all) is on the way down (although AitD has to be a step up from the abysmal Van Wilder). Co-star Stephen Dorff is just happy to have been mentioned in two separate Bloody Knee Jerk entries.
Alone in the Dark is based on a 90s computer game, but judging from the trailers, it appears that a name is all the two share. The preview to the movie features the worst CGI monsters I have ever seen (and I've seen An American Werewolf in Paris). This is a shame, because the graphics and movements in the game were revolutionary at the time. The game was a supernatural thriller that cast the player as Edward Carnby, a detective investigating a haunted mansion. Alone in the dark, Carnby collected clues, solved problems, and avoided boobytraps (insert joke about Reid here) in order to escape alive. Maybe I'm being picky, but with two companions (and the military?), Slater as Carnby in the film version really isn't alone in the dark.
Somehow I don't expect the movie will feature a man in a Santa Claus suit beating demons back to hell with a frying pan.
Hide and Seek
Does DeNiro read scripts anymore?
This man used to be a Raging Bull. Now he's an aging fool.
Analyze that.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Wilco? Still No.
Pop Quiz!
From the list below, pick the city not on Wilco's tour itinerary
a) New York City
b) Baltimore
c) Philadelphia
d) Washington DC
This is not a tough question. The answer is: c.
For the third leg on their A Ghost Is Born (a sub-par album by Wilco standards) tour, Jeff Tweedy and company are skipping Philadelphia a third time. With three strikes, Wilco is now at the top of the list of performers who slight Philadelphia (a slot previously reserved for Radiohead who cancelled a Philly gig to play Madison Square Garden).
The last Wilco show in the City of Brotherly Love was a phenomenal waterfront concert with Sonic Youth on July 28, 2003. That evening was particularly memorable for me because I got thrown out halfway through Wilco's set for pissing in the bushes only to sneak back in a song later.
In other Wilco-screwing-its-fans news, the band is reissuing A Ghost is Born with bonus tracks only available on the expanded version of an album their most loyal fans already own. Other reissue rip-off artists include The Flaming Lips, The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, etc.
And record companies wonder why people are downloading songs for free off the internet. It's because they're tired of getting screwed, you greedy bastards.
Other record scams include the "Best Of" compilation with one new song only available on said comp, and the motion picture soundtrack with a new recording (usually a cover) by a favorite band sandwiched between a lot of shitty filler music.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Sponge Blog: Part Deux
OK. I try to write on a new topic each weekday (toil not on the Sabbath or Saturday), but today I'll make an exception. I'm violating the rule that says if you ignore it, it will go away (of course, racism has been ignored for decades and it hasn't gone away, but I digress).
Tonight, The Daily Show (Stewart/Colbert 2008!) carried the "story" of the jackass who attacked SpongeBob Squarepants. They aired a clip of said jackass on a Fox News political talk show. Fox News invited this guy on the air!!!??? WTF?
I'm over analyzing (but then again, so is the jackass who attacked SpongeBob), but isn't an attack on a character who wears a shirt and tie and faithfully goes to work every day (rain or shine in Bikini Bottom) really an attack on the American work ethic?
That bigot is attacking America! Should we be tolerant of his viewpoint or beat his unAmerican ass?
(Please note: Fox News channel supports unAmerican bigots)
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Sponge Blog
No doubt you've heard about the latest flap from the Religious Right that SpongeBob Squarepants promotes tolerance for homosexuals. Tolerance--there's an unChristian value. First it was Bert and Ernie, then the Teletubbies, now SpongeBob. What does the Religious Right have against stoner-friendly kids shows?
Seriously, I'm not going to dignify putting the name of this moron in my blog (the links I've included name names). His slurs were covered in the New York Times because he was wearing formal wear and paid a lot of money to attend an inaugural ball for George W. Bush. Shit. Put this same jerk on the street corner and his homophobic remarks wouldn't even draw a crowd. Every day I have better, more tolerant ideas than this jerk, but I haven't been reported in the New York Times (as far as I know).
Maureen Dowd's January 23rd op-ed piece on the subject (hurry link is only good for 2 more days, then you have to pay for the article) draws a comparison between SpongeBob, champion of tolerance, and "SpongeBush", champion of preemptive war under false pretenses. Why haven't we heard any complaints from the Christian Right about G.I. Joe? Shipwreck looks like a member of the Village People, but as long as he's killing COBRA in his white sailor's hat, he's OK. If G.I. Joe were to stop glorifying war and start negotiations with COBRA in the interest of building a peaceful, harmonious world, then just watch the homophobic accusations fly.
Bottom line is, this bigot wanted some press and he got what he wanted: I wrote a blog entry condemning him and his bigotry.
The price of media exposure is eternal vigilance against possible homosexuality in cartoon characters.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Of Snow Importance
There’s no business like snow business. And my place of employment is open for business today. Damn. I was so warm in bed before I made the following phone call to the receptionist.
Work: Good morning.
Jesse D: Hi. Are you open today?
W: Yes, we’re open.
JD: Is it a delayed opening?
W: A what?
JD: click.
Leaving the house was bad, but the walk to the subway was brutal: below-freezing temperatures coupled with inconsiderate jerks walking side-by-side on marginally-shoveled sidewalks. Pedestrians who hog the entire sidewalk without a thought to letting others pass infuriate me on days when the sidewalks are clear. On a day like this, I’m liable to start throwing elbows at couples walking side-by-side (when it is not a matter of physically supporting an infirm/unsteady companion). The most egregious offenders were the customers waddling out of Burger King. While cramming sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit sandwiches into their gaping maws, they blocked traffic and inconvenienced other commuters with their girth. Stop bunching (and munching) and walk single-file, dammit!
After getting around these obstructing individuals (I'd liken it to circumnavigating the globe, but that would be insensitive), the westbound train at the 8th Street station was delayed. The hum from the halogen lamps, the stink of piss on the tracks, and Jennifer Garner’s stare boring into me from an Alias advertisement made waiting to crowd into an already overstuffed car almost unbearable. When I first moved to Philadelphia, I guessed that SEPTA might be an acronym for Safe Efficient Philadelphia Transportation Authority. Nothing could be further from the truth with the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority, but my slogan might make a positive marketing campaign (SEPTA representatives may contact me through this blog to discuss my fees).
Even my grumpiness waned when confronted with the undeniable loveliness of Philadelphia in the snow, and the town’s exuberance for the Eagles going to the Super Bowl! The banner headline on this morning’s Philadelphia Inquirer says it all: “Finally!”
Friday, January 21, 2005
Sight Unseen: January 21, 2005
First in a Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.
Assault on Precinct 13
Reality bites Laurence Fishburne in the ass when he and Ethan Hawke are assaulted in precinct 13. Fishburne wishes he'd wake up to find he's still stuck in The Matrix. Rent Deep Cover instead.
Are We There Yet?
Critics are going to give Ice Cube a bad rap for this movie.
They'll astutely note that the one-time gangsta rapper is in a family movie and looks the fool getting pummeled by a deer (how many movies has that tired scenario been played out in).
And that's just fine with Cube.
As near as I can guess from the previews, Are We There Yet? is a road-trip starring-vehicle for Ice Cube (complete with an Amtrak promotional tie-in) in which he portrays a playa (a stretch for the man who once declared, "I'm Only Out for One Thang") forced to put up with some brats and put aside his bravado to woo a single mother. Take a tour of the Ice Cube library, and you'll discover that the boy n the hood who asked, "do I look like a muthafuckin' role model", also knows how to turn on the charm ("she didn't get offended it was splendid to me/cause Mister Nice Guy is what I pretended to be"). Ice Cube's on familiar ground in Are We There Yet?, and because it's a family film there's sure to be a happy ending with the protagonist learning a life lesson and the female lead "givin' up the nappy dug out" before the credits roll.