Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I'm Scrooge, Byutch!

The Patrick Stewart remake of Dickens's A Christmas Carol is on TNT. Somehow I can't get into this modern take on the classic. Stewart just turned away a group of men collecting for charity, and while the acting was passable, I expected him to shout, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Scrooge, for fuck's sake! My name is synonymous with stinginess! There's even a Disney character to explain my penny pinching to children. Now get out of here before you feel my cane!"

On cue, the Ghost of Christmas Past has arrived and Stewart asks, "Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold?" Scrooge is lucky this is the olden times or the specter's reply might be a little less cordial, "No, jackass, I'm just some flamboyantly dressed ghost hanging out in your bedroom at the exact hour that that other ghost is supposed to be here."

Someone should update the remake. Or stick to the adaptation.


Monday, December 12, 2005

Adios, Amigo!

Matt Morris's time with the Cardinals has come to an end. After a record of 101-62 with the "birds on the bats" he's moving on. No longer a young man, but still a damned fine pitcher, he's heading west to rejoin Mike Matheny (who always looks stoned) in San Francisco. The Giants offered him $27 million over 3 years (a lot more than the Cardinals could/would spend) to make him their number 2 starter. Even though he was the number 3 starter in St. Louis behind Cy Young winner Chris Carpenter and Mark Mulder, Morris was an undisputed leader of this Cardinals team.

Here's to you, Matty Mo. You'll be missed.


Sunday, December 11, 2005

Richard Pryor, R.I.P.

Mr. Pryor, you were a funny motherfucker.
Thank you for making that last sentence possible.


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Screw Monday

Well, yesterday was a big disappointment.
The Eagles and the snow failed to show up. The Eagles were completely missing in a 42-0 loss in Philadelphia to the Seattle Seahawks. Damn. The snow at least got on the scoreboard with a puny dusting.

Thankfully, I didn’t see the game until the 4th quarter when I got home from the Islands/Hail Social/A Sides show at the Church.

Hail Social have a legitimate reason to grouse about yesterday: their practice space was broken into. The band announced during their set that they are looking for a new place to play. No word on what, if anything, was stolen. If you can't put them up, help them out by buying their album.

Someone has to know something about these constant practice space break-ins that regularly occur in and around Philly.

WTF: Is "Next Great City" status based on having 30-plus Starbucks? They're fuckin' everywhere. So this is how Philly's been garnering the same kind of hype that Seattle had in the early 1990s. Get your coffee elsewhere.

Sports Wrap-up: New York City now has 2 baseball closers who employ "Enter Sandman" as their theme songs when coming out of the bullpen: Mariano Rivera with the Yankees, of course, and Johnny-Come-Lately Billy Wagner of the Mets.

Will Wagner and the Mets defer to Rivera, the elder Sandman in New York? If both closers keep "Sandman" as their themes, this could make for great tabloid fodder. The Daily News and the Post could carry a "Sandman" tally of saves on the back pages. The "Sandman" duel might even add some interest to the annual inter-league subway series, whose novel appeal is waning (coming soon: my rant that inter-league play is bad for baseball because it dilutes existing rivalries and the new rivalries it purports to create aren’t real because they’re forced).

Wagner is overlooking the obvious (better?) choice of entrance music: Richard Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". Valkyries is some serious impending doom-type shit. Maybe Billy's trying to be his own man and stop living in Richard's shadow.

My man Izzy's choice of Sevendust on this list leaves me scratching my head, but not as much as Todd Jones' selection.