Sunday, January 22, 2006

Bigger & Denser

So McDonald's got rid of the "Super Size" because the larger portions contributed to obesity. But now they've introduced the Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, and billed them hors d'ouevres (or so the ad campaign goes).

Super Size was at least truth in advertising. If you order a Super-Size meal, you could expect to be super sized. The Double Quarter Pounder is sold under the slogan "Pound One". Last time I checked, two quarter pounds only equal a half pound. McDonald's is encouraging consumers to eat 2 Double Quarter Pounders with their slogan. Super Sizing isn't gone, it's just gotten sneaky.

Read the page on Dr. Cathy Kapica, McDonald's Global Director of Nutrition. Maybe she can explain what "Grill Seasonings" are and why they are so essential to taste that it's worth adding 240 mg of sodium. As if being a "dietitian" with McDonald's simply isn't enough of a joke in itself, she lists her favorite part of the job as getting paid to hang out with Ronald McDonald. Well, when you work in the fictional realm of fast food nutrition, you're bound to make a few fictional friends.


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Happy Bloody Birthday!

Today marks the first birthday of Bloody Knee Jerk and the 300th birthday of Ben Franklin, and I'm celebratin' with a delicious American brewed malt beverage served in a luxurious 40 oz glass container. True, I might be drinkin' a 40 even if it weren't such a momentous occasion, but tonight I'm tippin' the first sip to my man, BF.

The Daily News serves up a Franklin quiz that caters to the sub-moronic. They even botch the headline for the piece: "Put your Franlinania to the test". Franklinania? What the hell is that? Is it the state bordering Pennsylvania? Is it supposed to be Franklin mania or Franklin inanity? My suggestion: Test your Franklinsense.

The Philadelphia Inquirer enumerates Franklin's achievements. One in particular caught my eye:
lead the militia that drove hostile Indian tribes from the Lehigh Valley

There's no way to dress that up in political correctness without making Franklin look like an imperialist asshole.

Neither Philadelphia paper speculates how Franklin might feel about the security and inaccessibility of Independence Hall.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Ben Franklin

Click for more wisdom from the man.


Monday, January 16, 2006

Clap Your Hands Say FUCK NO!

As if "In This Home On Ice" didn't already rip off the Cure's "Just Like Heaven", now Clap Your Hands Say Yeah are taking a cue from Ticketmaster and ripping off concertgoers, and presumably their own fans since the ticket pre-sale is through their website, with inflated service charges.

Pre-sale tickets for the band's March 7th show at the T.L.A. are reasonable ($15), but what is up with the outrageous service and shipping fees?

Tickets (2): $30
Shipping fees: $9
Service fees: $6 ($3 per ticket)
Total: $45

Fuck that. Both tickets could be mailed in an envelope for the price of a 39 cent stamp. What is this 9-dollar horseshit?

Are fans supposed to feel OK about a 50% markup because the money goes to a indie rock band and not an evil corporation? No way. It's the principle, not the money. Fuck 'em.


Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday Fluff Piece

There goes the neighborhood. BKJ's reporting on celebrity gossip.

David Hasselhoff filed for divorce from his wife of 16 years. The Baywatch star cited irreconcilable differences, but I suspect that's just a cover for the love affair with Germany he's enjoyed for so long.

Taking cues from Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent, Axl Rose is suing a car dealership--but this time it's not Gary Barbera. A car dealership in L.A. has incurred the pint-sized wrath of the rocker-turned-recluse for reportedly failing to deliver two luxury sportscars. The lawsuit filed by Rose doesn't explain how Rose, who hasn't completed an album in over a decade, is able to afford these cars, nor does it answer when or if Rose will ever finish Chinese Democracy.

It's Friday the 13th. Go see The Goats reunion show at the Khyber.


Thursday, January 12, 2006


Bruce Sutter’s going into the Hall of Fame…as a Cardinal.

Look at that beard! It's going to look great on the HOF plaque and the statue outside of Busch Stadium.

The slug for the story on the Cardinals web site says it all: Reliever also played for Cubs and Braves in career. I love the use of “also” in that sentence, as if the Cubs and Braves are mere afterthoughts. Sutter may have won a Cy Young award as a Cub in 1979, but he got his World Series ring as a Redbird.

It wasn't all joy in Mudville on Wednesday, however. Cardinals great Willie McGee did not get enough votes to remain on the Hall of Fame ballot. McGee was a two-time batting champ (1985, 1990), four-time All Star, the National League MVP in 1985, and helped the Cardinals win the World Series in 1982. Sadly, he will not be joining teammates Sutter and Ozzie Smith in Cooperstown.