The Supernatural Is Super!

Last weekend while watching a Halloween episode of The Simpsons, I was asked, “Would you rather have a vampire or a werewolf chasing you?” If I were living in the early 20th century, I’d go with the werewolf. Even in Chucks (with their patented no-arch-support or shock absorption design), I think I could outrun The Wolf Man (1941) or Michael Landon (I Was a Teenage Werewolf, 1957). I’d probably fare less well against Bela Lugosi’s mesmerizing powers in Dracula (1931).

But as Biggie Smalls said, “Things Done Changed”.

Lugosi could entrance his victims from across the room with eye powers. I see none of that in the smoldering blank stare of alterna-vamp Stephen Dorff (Blade). On the other side of the coin, werewolves have gone berserk since the 1970s. There are about a thousand ways to take down a vampire, but only silver can kill a werewolf, and who has silver just lying around. Vampires are sophisticated monsters; they can be reasoned with and they wait politely outside until you invite them in. Try having a rational conversation with a werewolf as it’s busting down the door to rip the flesh from your bones.

The Friday the 13th and Halloween series ushered in the era of the uber-monster. Michael Myers was an unstoppable killing machine and Jason Voorhees is still around after how many sequels? Movie audiences are no longer content with lurching Frankenstein monsters or stiff-jointed mummies. The new monsters of Hollywood are super-supernatural. To hold the attention of an ADD audience, mummies must be able to conjure sandstorms (The Mummy, 1999), vampires burst from their graves knowing karate (Blade, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and werewolves are computer generated (Underworld, An American Werewolf in Paris). Computers have yet to design a werewolf as terrifying as those in An American Werewolf in London or The Howling (both 1981, a banner frickin' year for werewolf transformation movies). Only zombies have enjoyed (if you can call the undead hunger for brains enjoyment) a greater augmentation of their killing powers in recent cinematic history (compare the original Night of the Living Dead with the hyperkinetic 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead).

I can’t recall the last time I was truly scared by a horror flick (Ringu was creepy, 28 Days Later had a few bumps). I find From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) to be immensely entertaining, and it surprises the hell out of first-time viewers who aren’t expecting a vampire flick. Other vampire flicks worth checking out: The Lost Boys and Near Dark (both 1987).

Well, so much for poignancy from this blog. I was going to throw in an awkward comparison between horror films and the scare tactics used by the Republicans and Democrats to win support for their respective Social Security plans (Republicans spin ghost tales of a phantom collapse of the entire Social Security system, Democrats frighten seniors with claims that Republicans want to slash their benefits like Freddy Krueger). The truth is the Republicans do want to cut benefits (and undermine the safety net for people in our society who can't take care of themselves, in my opinion); however, the current Social Security system can't exist indefinitely without some changes.

Boo.