The Uncle Jesse Gap

This past year, I was fortunate to become an uncle for the first time when my younger brother and his wife welcomed my niece, Mia, into the world. The day of her birth, I sent e-mail announcements to friends with the signature “Uncle Jesse”. And that’s when the onslaught of John Stamos and Olsen twins jokes began. None of them were funny.

There is a clear line of demarcation between those who know Uncle Jesse as the bearded patriarch on The Dukes of Hazzard and young whippersnappers who worship at the altar of Stamos. In an informal poll, people born in 1980 or later invariably cited John Stamos as “Uncle Jesse” from the shitcom Full House, whereas children of the 70s knew the truth (with a few disappointments here and there). This makes sense. The Dukes of Hazzard ran from 1979 through 1985, spawned a spin-off in 1980 (Enos), and was successfully incorporated into a term paper on Kohlberg’s Theory of Moral Development in the mid-90s (paper not available for this blog). Full House blighted the airways from 1987—1995 and unleashed the two-headed monster known as the Olsen twins upon society.

According to the Internet Movie Database (the destination for 99% of the links in my blog so far) the Stamos character’s name is Hermes Katsopolis. WTF? How do you get “Jesse” out of that? Worse yet, many Full House fans are ignorant of The Dukes of Hazzard and are under the misconception that I like Stamos, his music, and his crummy sitcom. Apparently the original Uncle Jesse (masterfully portrayed by Denver Pyle) isn’t quite the iconoclastic figure I envisioned when I drafted my e-mail. One Full House devotee naively mused that Stamos’s character was named independently of The Dukes of Hazzard character. Puh-lease! TV is notoriously self-referential and inbred. I haven’t found the evidence yet (it might be in a Full House episode, I wouldn’t know), but the chance that it is coincidence that these two characters share a moniker is fatter than Boss Hogg’s wallet.

Hollywood may finally settle this feud as the Dukes are primed to ride again in 2005. In the time-honored tradition of reviving 70s television for the big screen, The Dukes of Hazzard movie is more revisionist history bullshit than a faithful remake of the cult show. Jessica Simpson can never fill Catherine Bach’s high heels as Daisy Duke. Daisy was neither blonde nor a ditz seeking to profit from not knowing the difference between tuna and chicken.

For her first birthday, I’m getting Mia the Dukes of Hazzard DVD sets so she won’t grow up thinking Willie Nelson is Uncle Jesse (although he’s still more Uncle Jesse than Stamos).

Yeeeeee-Haw!