Sight Unseen: Summer Edition 1

Several weeks worth of reviews of movies I haven't seen.

Batman Begins
What exactly is Batman beginning? He's obviously beginning to make money for Warner Bros. again.


Cinderella Man
Is this the worse superhero name ever? To paraphrase Batman Begins, "Anyone who goes around dressed like Cinderella has to have issues."


The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Well, they're flying 'cross the land, tryin' to get a hand, playing in their traveling pants. Soon to be broadcast repeatedly and forever on the Oxygen Channel.


The Longest Yard
I can't even count the number of recycled "jokes" that appear in the trailer for this turd. Let's start with the gentle giant who doesn't know how to use his size and seeks coaching from Chris "I'm only funny in stand-up" Rock, who asks the big guy not to eat him. Who the fuck laughs at that old cliche? Now I know why these movies are aimed at teens. Kids are the only ones who aren't culturally literate enough to call "bullshit!" (OK, maybe not the only ones: see also fans of the Blue Collar Comedy Shitfest).


Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Not a sequel to the Jimmy Stewart filibuster movie. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't going to Washington...They're going to hell for adulterous relations (and laughing all the way to the bank). Like Charon, Vince Vaughn will transport them across the River Styx. We'll see you again later this summer, Mr. Vaughn.