Sight Unseen: May 19, 2005

Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen...on a Thursday.

Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith
Where is my lightsaber? I don't mean the plastic toy the dorks are playing make-believe with, no, I mean a real lightsaber. Forget the flying car, America's scientists and inventors should be working on developing swords made of light. Isn't that the sole purpose of physics? The lightsaber should be a physicist's holy grail: it features light as a wave, a particle, and a sharp instrument for chopping the shit out of things.

Some crybabies might poo-poo the idea of allowing people to walk around with white-hot cutting tools, but the sabers (or sabres) can equipped with safety switches and licensed like guns; besides a lightsaber is "more elegant than a blaster." Imagine the incredible advances to be made in artificial limb technology that would be necessitated by lightsabers. Lightsabers would create jobs and singlehandedly (no pun intended) save our floundering economy. I'd join the National Lightsaber Association (NLA; if limo drivers and lawyers can share 'NLA', they can make room for lightsabers--or it's choppin' time) in exchange for the opportunity to own a lightsaber.

For all these reasons and more, I urge you to write your member of Congress and demand they push for more funding for lightsaber research and development.

Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith opens today.