Sight Unseen: March 11, 2005

Continuing the Friday series of reviews of movies I haven't seen.

The Passion Recut
Greedo shoots first!
Taking a cue from George Lucas, Mel Gibson is toning down Jesus’ bad-ass attitude and rereleasing The Passion of the Christ with less gore (and more Jabba the Hutt?). Mad Mel says, "By softening some of its more wrenching aspects, I hope to make my film and its message of love available to a wider audience." Surprise, surpise. A Jesus movie rises again at Easter time.
Mo' Money! Mo' Money! Mo' Money!
The television networks balked at showing the original cut, but now Gibson's edited ego indulgence can become an Easter television tradition the way Fudgie the Whale makes Father’s Day special. My tradition goes like this: I didn’t see The Passion of the Christ the first time it was in theaters, and I’m not going to see this watered-down version, either.

The Hostage
You would have to take someone hostage to get me to pay upwards of $10 to see this flick in the theaters. Shit goes down, Bruce Willis kicks ass, lots of property damage and some death ensue. Soon to be a TNT Saturday afternoon double feature with Point Break.

Robots
Didn’t filmmakers learn anything from Bicentennial Man? Who the fuck wants an automaton with Robin Williams’s personality? If robots are the wave of the future, I don’t want mine to be some annoying hyperactive jerk who does lousy impersonations. Although, if my robot did act like Robin Williams, I might feel less cyber guilt when I command it to wipe my ass.


For this blog entry, I’m following Rule 1 in Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style for possessives. The new SAT starts Saturday.