Live 8 is Enough

Don't want any part of Live 8? Here's a guide to what else is on between noon and 6 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time)

All-day Events
USA Network has a 4400 marathon.
TVLand has a Bonanza marathon (can't get any further from Live 8 than that, unless you remember that Toby Keith is playing in Philly)
E! has a marathon of 101 Even Bigger Celebrity Oops! (really they're just showing Battlefield Earth and Reindeer Games).

Noon (12:00)
I won't be awake this early, but the Family Channel has a full hour of Full House while TBS is airing Jumanji. Two of my most-hated pop culture icons square off: Robin Williams against the horrific 90s shitcom. Let's hope they destroy each other.

1:00
Not participating in the Live 8 experience because you hate charity (you must be a Republican), then turn your attention to QVC's bracelet showcase and showcase your apathy with a lovely diamond-studded band. Love the sun, but hate to go outside (you must be a vampire), check out NBC for beach volleyball.

2:00
Sports, sports, sports, sports! NBC leaves the beach and hits the NASCAR (not really a sport) circuit for a preview of some race. Click over to FOX to catch the middle innings of the Phillies vs. the Braves. For the kids, Cartoon Network has Krypto the Superdog. What's better than learning a foreign language from muppets on Sesame Street? Give up? Why learning Spanish from clay-mation monsters, of course! WWSI 62 is airing Clash of the Titans in Spanish! Bueno!!!! Man, I love that movie.

2:30
Casablanca on Turner Classic Movies.

3:00
A shitty hour for TV. Stick with a flick, a game, or just watch the TV Guide channel and remark, "what a shitty hour for TV." I'll be on the Parkway watching Jay-Z at this hour.

4:00
Salvation arrives: Zelig on IFC.

4:30
NBC picks up the beach volleyball action.

5:00
STYLE Network has a show called Foody Call. How many obese people heed that call?

6:00
Want to watch Live 8 performers without all that music? WB17 serves up an hour worth of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, and Robin Williams crushed the Olsen Twins, Jumanji repeats on TBS. Damn.