The City Paper unveiled its list of the Top 21 albums of 2006 today based on careful calculations from staff picks (click #16 for my review of Belle and Sebastian's The Life Pursuit). As good as the list is in print, it’s even better online. I’ve already wasted the better part of an hour clicking on the wonderful Databot Listamatron. I love this thing! With a single click, it shows me that no other critic even considered Mastodon worthy of mention.
The Bloody Knee Jerk Albums of the Year List
1. Mastodon, Blood Mountain
2. Band of Horses, Everything All the Time
3. Belle and Sebastian, The Life Pursuit
4. Wolfmother, Wolfmother
5. Artic Monkeys, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
6. The Decemberists, The Crane’s Wife
7. Islands, Return to the Sea
8. The Hold Steady, Boys and Girls in America
9. Yo La Tengo, I Am Not Afraid of You, and I Will Beat Your Ass!
10. Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere
The Hold Steady’s Boys and Girls in America tops the CP list (#8 above), but other than Gnarls Barkley (#10, both lists), none of my choices resonated strongly enough to make the top 10. Three of my choices made the top 21, which speaks to the diversity of the critics and my list. As any good critic knows, there's a world of difference between studio and stage, so even though I ranked Wolfmother's album ahead of the Hold Steady this year, I was at the North Star for the Hold Steady and not the Electric Factory for Wolfmother on November 21, 2006. That said, both bands turned in fantastic performances at Lollapalooza in August.
Mastodon’s Blood Mountain reigns as my pick for album of the year because it’s been a long time since an album’s had me running around the room making train noises and ramming my head into the wall. Blood Mountain kicks so much ass that I couldn’t justify denying it top billing on my list just because Mastodon left Philly off their tour. Relapse Records (Mastodon’s label) is based in Upper Darby with a store just off South Street, and the band still skipped us. Unconscionable. Nonetheless, great music will prevail and I’m proud to say that I was the only reviewer putting Blood fuckin’ Mountain on my list, and number 1 to boot (black steel-toe, to the head).
It is impossible to hear every record released in a given year. I missed the Art Brut boat in 2005. Bang Bang Rock N Roll was released stateside in 2006, but putting it on my list would be akin to breaking my hip (Ha!), and I fear the wrath of Pelusi. Likewise, I only picked up Clipse’s Hell Hath No Fury CD last week (after CP polls were closed). Holy shit, this is a fine piece of work. Maybe I’m crazy, but I would rank it #4, which means that Gnarls gets bumped.
It’s a top 10 list, not a top 100 list, so the following albums although quite good, didn’t make the cut: Ghostface Killa, Fishscale; Regina Spektor, Begin to Hope; Cat Power, The Greatest; M Ward, Post War; The Flaming Lips, At War with the Mystics, and 80 albums I’m forgetting. Cat Power’s album is amazingly beautiful, but my approach to these end-of-year lists precludes me from including it because I rarely have the desire to listen to it. It collects dust along with 88% of my CD collection, and I skip its songs when they come up on my iPod (although I don’t go so far as to remove them). Pretty songs put me to sleep.
It’s A Material World Award
Tool, 10,000 Days
Regardless of the quality of the music inside, the packaging on a Tool album is always a work of art. Be it the magic motion inserts on Aenima, the multi-layered psychedelic medical booklet for Lateralus, or the fold-out viewfinder on 10,000 Days, thes artwork is innovative, visually stunning, and recalls classic LP covers, such as the zipper on the Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers and the wheel on Led Zeppelin III. Using the compact disc format to its full artistic potential is one way to discourage illegal downloading, and downloading in general.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
This Is The List That Rocks
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Attention Chief Wiggum
Upcoming Philadelphia events:
Jan. 18, Bob Seger at the Spectrum
Jan. 19, Bob Saget at the Tower Theater
Fans of The Simpsons will recall the hilarious conversation between Lisa and Chief Wiggum in which he mistakes Bob Saget tickets for Bob Seger tickets. Mercy.
Worst. Post. Ever.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Ad It Up
Last Monday during Monday Night Football, two ads aired in succession that got me thinking.
The first ad was a postmodern piece for Sony's Playstation 3. It shows the product having a supernatural effect on a doll. What does it mean? Who cares? The ad doesn't have to make sense to sell this gaming console. Hell, Sony probably doesn't even need advertising to sell out this gaming console for Christmas. They could put a turd in a box, mark it PS3 and well...
The second ad took a more classic approach. It featured an iconic hero, a recognizable theme, and played to our love of the underdog. Yes, it was an ad for Rocky Balboa. Haters out there will put this movie down, but it can be argued that Rocky's done more good for Philadelphia in the past 30 years than anyone not named Rendell, Schmidt, or (person to be determined).
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Merry Lex-Mas: Let Them Eat Brakes
This Lexus commercial really bugs me.
Who are these suckers pulling their lawn chairs up to the curb outside this suburban McMansion to share the joy of a yuppie Christmas?
The poor? The hungry?
The huddled masses yearning to breathe free SUV exhaust?
Joy to the world.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Peter Boyle, RIP: 1935--2006
The world bids farewell to La Salle University's most famous non-athlete graduate.
Peter Boyle died today at the age of 71.
Recommended viewing: Taxi Driver, Young Frankenstein, or that really excellent episode of The X-Files. Unable to find any of those titles, pick something else from the man's stellar resume.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A Toast at Your Wake
See you in hell, teetotalers! I'll tip my 40 on your grave when I'm 150.
Oh wait, there's a moderation clause. Damn.
Monday, December 11, 2006
She Likes COLD Beverages
Woman in St. Louis kills her 70-year-old husband because he gave her a warm beer.
Damn, that's cold blooded.
Still, he should have known at his age not to give his best gal a warm beer. It doesn't matter that the electricity was out; a true player always has a bucket of ice on hand (or hoofs it to the 7-11) for just this kind of situation. Word.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The Philadelphia Sixers: Don't Trade Iverson
So the Sixers are the only winter sports team in this town that hasn't won 6 games yet.
Now they're going to trade Allen Iverson.
I have nothing to add except: Don't trade your best player, you morons!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Mastodon Fails to Rock Philly
Mastodon hates Philadelphia. There can be no other explanation for why there's no Philly date on their upcoming tour.
I was going to rank Blood Mountain in my Top 10 albums of 2006, but now I just don't know.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Are You Ready for Some Reading?
TV Guide is no longer just for TV listings and fanatics of "The Guide."
The Guide's weekly Monday Night Football blog by Philly talent Keith Presnall is essential Tuesday reading (and not just for the references to Chuck D, Stone Cold, and Dee Snyder).
Until Then, You're Not Right!
My beloved, 2006 World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals have been selected to play in the first Civil Rights Game on March 31, 2007 in Memphis.
Their opponent? The Cleveland Indians.
Nothing like celebrating the civil rights movement while offending Native Americans.
If only I knew how to insert an MP3 of Atom and His Package's "If You Own the Washington Redskins, You're a Cock" here.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Inky Come Lately
The Philadelphia Inquirer decided today to report on musicians being robbed of their gear in Philly. Philebrity pointed out the Metro's slow-on-the-draw coverage of this trend over a month ago. My favorite sentence from the Inky story is:
At least eight bands have had their equipment stolen while on tour in the city since March, the most recent earlier this month.
The bold print is my emphasis as I note that today is November 25. I can't wait to read the Inky's Thanksgiving Day coverage this Christmas.
Philly Owns Christmas!
That's right. Philadelphia is all over Christmas this year.
At least at the box office.
Hometown hero Will Smith tugs the heart strings December 15th in The Pursuit of Happyness (can't say I approve of the spelling, but there's probably an explanation), while Sylvester Stallone delivers body blows December 22nd in Rocky Balboa, shot here in Philly.
The Rocky site plays the "Gonna Fly Now" theme. Turn that shit up!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving 2006
Feeding on the encouragement of one BKJ reader, I'm live blogging the Thanksgiving Day parades again this year from the warmth and comfort of Lancaster, PA.
Last night's fun at the Khyber ended too late for Amtrak, so I was on the rails early this morning and we're joining our holiday program already in progress.
8:55 AM: It's raining in Philadelphia, and from the looks of the wet spots on the backs of one dancer's yellow parachute pants, this guy took a spill somewhere along the parade route.
Still in Philadelphia, here comes the first balloon of the day. It's Barney! Or some facsimile of Barney. It's big, it's pink/purple, and it looks like a dinosaur, but I'm pretty sure this is a sweat-shop bootleg Barney.
Pat Sajak takes Tony Danza's place as the honorary grand marshall of the parade this year. His duties are pretty simple. "My job is to eat the turkey."
9:06 New York: The 80th Macy's Thanksgiving Parade has gotten underway, and the rain is falling on A Chorus Line. The line between attractive for stage and attractive for television has blurred dramatically, or this could just be par for NYC. No doubt these actors are the envy of every other parade participant today--they're done for the day.
9:2? Philadelphia: I've already lost track of time (can't see the clock from my chair). Winnie the Pooh is making his way past the Art Museum. The narration of the parade is surprisingly informative, going into detail about A. A. Milne's creation. Pooh-san is much beloved in Japan (as is the next character, Hello Kitty--Kitty-chan), and I was fortunate enough to see my 2-year-old niece meet him at Disney World in October. I'll keep the personal remarks to a minimum. Oh, look who's decided to show up; it's Mayor John Street.
Cecily Tynan is having way too much fun with the Pirate Cove float and the nautical dialogue. Of course, she has some experience in these matters.
9:28 New York: What the hell is going on? These kids look like Oompa Loompas. Oh, it's the Grinch. Look, he's stealing Christmas. OK. The song's over. Wait. Where's he going? Is he coming back? We just saw him steal Christmas, but they left out the Grinch's transformation and change of heart. The whole lesson of the story has been lost. It seems appropriate that both parades have gone to commercial at this moment.
Bloody Mary time.
9:34 New York: Martin Short in a helicopter is actually funny. The Color Purple's "Mysterious Ways" sounds nothing like U2's version.
9:36 Philadelphia: Kelly Ripa is back in Philadelphia, perky as ever. Hilarity enrupts in our living room when they begin airing recorded clips of Disney on Ice and my father unwittingly asks, "How did they get the ice on the street?" Mercy.
More commercials. While the ads run, I come across the following facts from NPR: The balloons in New York must come down if the wind gusts to 34 miles per hour, or the wind blows at a sustained 23 mph. Only once, 1973, did the balloons have to come down.
9:50 Philadelphia: Sajak's out, Ripa's in. This has become a parade tradition: Ripa infusing new blood into the back end of the ceremony.
9:53 New York: The Rockettes have arrived. Those costumes do not look warm. My uncle just announced out of the blue, "I'm not fond of fondue."
9:54 Philadelphia: Kelly's turkey hat is fantastic! And here's 12-year-old Bianca Ryan. Just wait until her voice changes, she'll be coked-up and washed out, but she'll always remember the time when she was America's sweetheart. Huh, look at that split screen technology. It's like she's singing to herself.
10:00 Philadelphia: Someone is performing "Walk Like an Egyptian," and Kelly's wearing a King Tut hat. I just realized that every time a marching band comes along, the Philadelphia parade cuts to commercial.
10:13 Philadelphia: Civic Pride Moment: Philly celebrates its roots and Kevin Bacon with a tribute to Footloose. The man himself is nowhere in sight.
10:20 New York: Said of the Mr. Peanut balloon: "a legend among legumes." The broadcasters are announcing "a surprise visit by the Energizer Bunny." A surprise? Really? C'mon.
10:26 Philadelphia: Desperate to sate her hat addiction, Kelly's stolen Cecily Tynan's baby's hat. Let the "Kelly eats children" rumors start.
10:32 New York: The Sesame Street characters are singing about "another sunny day." The parade's gone metaphorical. Deeeeep. And now, New York has a King Tut performance, too. Sure, their dancers didn't bump into each other the way ours did, but only Philadelphia will be hosting the real King Tut.
11:07 New York: Why are Daryl Hall and John Oates performing in the New York parade? Shouldn't they be in Philly? They are treating the City of Brotherly Love like an abandoned luncheonette. Where is their plaque: Broad Street or Broadway? Tear it up! Boo! I'm out of here. Actually, I nod off into a disheartened slumber and wake up midway through the first quarter of the Lions-Dolphins game. Something smells good.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Guess What's Still F'd Up
One week and counting to fix a broken handrail at 34th and Market.
Ah, SEPTA.
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick
Last night there was a huge banner of 2006 National League MVP Ryan Howard on City Hall. I saw it on the way to the North Star for the Hold Steady show, but I was sans camera. Even though I am not a Phillies fan, I recognize that Howard's achievement is great publicity for this city I call home, and I planned on dropping by the Hall today to snap a picture.
This award is a big deal, right? It was a big deal for me when Albert "El Hombre" Pujols took the honor in 2005. So, you'd think Philadelphia would hang that banner proudly for a while, right?
Wrong.
The banner was already gone this afternoon, and I'm left reprinting the stock image that's all over the internet.
When I read this story about Mayor Street botching Ryan Howard's name at the ceremony, I realized the banner wasn't meant as a tribute, it was just a giant cue card for Hizzoner. Next time, the mayor's handlers should make the cue card bigger and place it in front of the podium, not behind it.
One last thought: Howard for Mayor.
*in the interest of giving the full story, the banner originated at Citizens Bank Park, and I believe it's been returned there (unconfirmed).
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Modest Mouse on Marr
All the years of being "The City that Never Sleeps" finally caught up with the Big Apple, as New York City seemed tired last night.
The level of affected boredom in that town always drives me nuts, but it was particularly irritating last night at the Bowery Ballroom for Modest Mouse.
Let's go to the tale of the texts.
8:30: Bowery Ballroom is a fantastic venue!
Still relatively sober as I send this message. The Bowery is a great place to see a show, better than the Roseland.
9:30: David Cross and Johnny Marr performing a parody of U2’s “One” in commemoration of the Bank of America merger. Funny stuff.
About 5 beers into the show at this point. Opening act Marcellus Hall is lounging in a private, screened off room in the back of the balcony. I later discovered the Bank of America song that Johnny Marr and David Cross sang was actually performed at a Bank of America corporate event to celebrate their merger with MBNA.
Soon after sending this text I stepped across the velvet rope into the VIP section, removed a table tent emblazoned with "Reserved Modest Mouse" and had a front-railing view of the stage. The only problem was sneaking back in whenever my beer cup ran dry.
11:??: Best show ever. Ever.
Texted this after Modest Mouse played "Trailer Trash." Closing their encore with "Doin' the Cockroach" also cemented this sentiment in my mind. In the sober light of day, this show was fantastic, but I'm not sure it can top the time I saw Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick performing "The Show" (not the featured link, but really worth watching).
The only defense I have for my following name-dropping is that it was my first celebrity run-in (except when I saw this guy in Lancaster about 20 years ago). With the opening strands of “Doin’ the Cockroach,” I yelled, “David, good to see you,” shook Cross’s hand (abiding Ice Cube's words), ran down the stairs, and waded straight to the front of the stage before Isaac announced, “I was in heaven, I was in hell, believe in neither but fear ‘em as well…”
As the drunken bumpkin from the sticks (Philly), I was completely entertained and going bananas, as every one around me was doing their best to appear bored. At least they were nodding to the music. As I was stompin' my feet and jumping around, I high-fived a guy in the middle of "Cockroach"—damn, you should’ve seen the scared look in his eyes. He gave me his wallet.
I waded unaccosted to the front of the crowd like a giant through tall grass, and I was drumming on the stage by the end of the song. Right in front. Stompin and pogoing, and generally being a rowdy concertgoer in the midst of a bunch of staid, bored hipsters. This would never happen in Philadelphia, I've tried. Bunch of dispassionate, world-weary fuckers. Philly kicks NYC’s ass.
??:??: NYC is a town of pussies and posers. I am king of of New York.
The double “of” was not intentional. The alcohol hammer had dropped.
After the show, it was over to Brooklyn where I met the "grandmother of literary hipsters," Maud, who hates to be called “grandmother” or “hipster,” even though that's how my friend described her. For the rest of the night, I had to keep this in mind as Mrs. Parker's devotees maintained a steady stream of doting at the round table. She seemed like a good shit (and was dressed a bit like the Queen's mum), and you gotta give her credit for keeping her blog going after the novel-ty has worn off for her.
My friend Dennis was also at the bar. When "The Writer's Mind" opens in New York, go see it.
Modest Mouse: 11/18/2006
Dramamine
Paper-Thin Walls
Float On
The View
Fire It Up
We’ve Got Everything
Bukowski
Missed the Boat
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes
Breakthrough
Black Cadillacs
Trailer Trash
Dashboard
Encore
Continental Breakfast???
Ocean Breathes Salty
Bury Me With It
Doin’ the Cockroach
Friday, November 17, 2006
The Philadelphia Sixers: Update
Don't look now, but the Flyers have won 2 in a row. One more win on Saturday, and they'll be the first Philadelphia sports team to hit 6 wins this season.
The Sixers won on Wednesday to improve to 4-3, so they're still in the running to be the first to 6 wins.
The Eagles (5-4) square off against the Titans on Sunday.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The Philadelphia Sixers?
The Philly.com sports section leads with its comprehensive and in-depth coverage of how bad Philadelphia sports teams suck. It's a portrait of futility that The Blarney Stone commemorates with a board detailing years and games lost by the Flyers, Sixers, Phillies, and Eagles since this town's last championship (1983 Sixers).
Taking a look at the sports in season at the moment, I wonder: Which team will be the real 6-ers come Sunday?
The Flyers are an abysmal 3-12-2 with 3 games to play before Sunday (11/15, 11/16, and 11/18)
The Sixers (3-3) got off to a fast start before returning to mediocrity. They could be 6-3 if they win on 11/15, 11/17, and 11/18.
The Eagles are a hair over .500 with a 5-4 record. If they beat the Titans on Sunday, they'll be 6-4.
So, will the real "sixers" please stand up?
Anne Frank's Tree
The chestnut tree growing outside of Anne Frank's house (huis) in Amsterdam is going to be cut down because it is rotten with fungus.
Nothing to add, just putting the word out in case Bloody Knee Jerk is your source for news.
I wish I could save it with some sort of pesticide.