Bloody Knee Jerk

Friday, September 08, 2006

Get Your Fringe On!

Tonight marks my unbilled Fringe Festival debut.

Come see Speak! Mascot

September 8--10 with It or Her (2 shows for the price of 1!)
Mum Puppettheatre
115 Arch Street
7 pm
215-413-1318

My role is tiny. The show is great!

I really need to update this blog more often.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

40 oz to Freedom, but Not to Northern Liberties

What is this horseshit? No 40s to be sold in Northern Liberties? Just one more reason for me not to visit. Don't get me wrong. No Libs is fine--if you live there or own a car. Otherwise, it sucks to fuckin' get there.
But more to the point: 40 ounces or fight! Or 40 ounces and fight. Whichever.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Burning the Flag? Fire Works!

Happy 4th of July!

Freedom lives!!!!

This week the amendment to ban flag burning was defeated in the Senate by 1 vote.

Republicans would like to brand the left as a bunch of cowards who hate America and refuse to fight. Fuck that shit. I will take up arms (thank you 2nd amendment) in defense of the 1st amendment. Hooray for freedom of expression!

I'm expressin' with my full capabilities, And now I'm livin' in correctional facilities
Cause some don't agree with how I do this.
-Dr. Dre, "Express Yourself", 1989

I may be unoriginal in many respects, but one thought I had this week that I have not heard voiced is my opinion that forced reverence for the flag weakens our nation. I was brought up with a healthy dose of American history and I respect America too much to force someone to worship its flag. I rise at baseball games and remove my cap when the national anthem is played because I learned to respect this country through my education. I was fortunate enough to have teachers in elementary and secondary schools who introduced me to American history and civics, and I paid a lot of fucking attention.

Forcing Americans to praise the flag by enacting a new amendment to ban flag desecration is both lazy and fascist. It devalues the flag to force Americans to worship it without question. From the Philadelphia Inquirer on June 25, 2006:

The countries that enacted national bans on flag desecration are Cuba, China, Iran, Nazi Germany, and Iraq under Saddam Hussein.

Hmm. I think I saw at least one of those countries listed in the Axis of Evil. George W. Bush, who dodged the draft in Vietnam, wants to ban flag burning, while John Kerry, a decorated veteran, stands against a constitutional amendment. Who understands the nature of American freedom better? No flip flop here. It’s time to readjust the bell curve for I.Q. based on the results of the 2004 presidential election and the USA Today poll indicating that 56% of Americans approve of an amendment to ban flag burning. The first amendement protects freedom. As much as I hate racists, the 1st Amendment protects their freedom of speech. So when the Republicans want to ban flag burning, I can only agree with Ice Cube: "You can burn your cross, while I burn your flag."

It brings me no pleasure to point out the following similarity:

I'm not buying what you're selling.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Sleater-Kinney Leave You Behind

Holy Shit! Sleater-Kinney are breaking up.
Holy double shit! There are still tickets left to their July 31st show at the Starlight Ballroom.
If you miss out on this one, don't come crying to me. And don't mug me for my ticket, either.
Adios, Sleater-Kinney!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Reign in Blood(y Knee Jerk)

All Slayer, All the Time!
Like triple 6's, here's my third consecutive post on Slayer.
Stop staring at the cover of the City Paper and read this week's Blistered in the Sun here (hint: it's about Slayer).
Now for the photos.

Also: Tweeter Center staff have festive new uniforms this summer.

Friday, June 16, 2006

SLAYER!!!

Back from the Slayer show at the Tweeter Center, my first and possibly only stop there this summer. The Tweeter Center's been my home away from home these past 3 summers, but no longer. Tonight's Slayer show might be my first and last appearance at Camden's big house.

Also on the agenda of firsts and lasts is taking a camera to a metal show. Shit. I can't mix it up properly in the pit if I'm constantly worried about breaking the camera in my pocket. What was that Fight Club quote? The things you own end up owning you?

Got some excellent shots tonight, but also got a few clunkers like the one at the top of the page and the following.
This is a hat worn by the girl in front of me. For some reason, my camera switched from instant snapshot to a 5-second delay mode. I thought I was taking a picture of Children of Bodom, but instead I got this camouflaged chapeau. I feel a bit like the Greatest American Hero--I lost the instruction manual to this camera, and I have no idea how to use its power. Sometimes it's great (Lollapalooza 2005), other times the pictures are as shitty as my high school photo class snapshots (which I tended to solarize to compensate for my declining vision). Not sure why a digital camera is taking blurry pictures. Maybe the metal was just too fuckin' fast.

A review of this show will may appear as Blistered in the Sun in next Thursday's City Paper.

Speaking of the City Paper, I managed to escape the notice and ire of Philebrity this week when they named names of CP staffers with blogs. Probably because this fucking blog is updated once a decade and only read by my mom (Hi Mom). Nonetheless, Pat Rapa hit the nail on the head when he called Philebrity on the whole blogger complains about other blogs bullshit. I'm guilty of it. Coincidentally, I have a picture of myself sitting in the clog featured on the Philebrity post. I'm a tourist.

SLAYER!!!!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Happy Slayer Day!

Today is the National Day of Slayer!

I'm sure there were other metal bands that considered releasing an album today in an attempt to beef up their evil fan base (at least the ones quickly parted from their money), but Slayer went ahead and took the bull by the horns and declared a national holiday in their own honor. Any word on how the Prince of Darkness feels about being usurped?

Additional listening if you don't have any Slayer in your collection or if the 35-minute Reign in Blood gets worn out before its 48th playing at midnight.

Danzig: His whole solo catalog
Iron Maiden: The Number of the Beast
White Zombie: La Sexorcisto: Devil Music, Vol. 1
Marilyn Manson: Antichrist Superstar
AC/DC: Highway to Hell
The Charlie Daniels Band: "Devil Went Down to Georgia"
The Rolling Stones: "Sympathy for the Devil"
Ice Cube: "Horny Lil' Devil" (not about Satan, per se, but Cube's new album drops today)
The Mountain Goats: "The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton" (for a little perspective on these bands and the kids who listen to them)

Avoid Stryper's To Hell With the Devil at all costs today.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

How Can Rock So Right Be So Wrong?

The New York Times ran an article on the National Review’s list of the Top 50 Conservative Rock songs. At Number 1 is the Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” Personally, I don’t give a fuck about the politics behind this classic song (although it reignites the debate between the artist’s intended message vs. the message interpreted by the audience), but the article was an eye opener. According to the National Review conservatives embrace the sad identity of “disillusioned revolutionaries” ready to conform to society. What a bunch of quitters. “Meet the new boss / Same as the old boss.” New or old, the boss is still an asshole. I always thought conservatives were assholes, but I didn’t know they were proud of that distinction.

Domestic spying and wiretapping are conservative values, right? The list includes "Sweet Home Alabama," which defends the Watergate break-ins, so why aren’t “Private Eyes” and “Every Breath You Take” on this list? If conservatives hate a "nanny state" so much, why are they monitoring American citizens like babies?

Seriously, I feel bad for a group that claims Sammy Hagar for their own.

*The New York Times articles are only free for a couple more days, and the original list at the National Review will cost you, but you can still read one entry for free (for a short time).

SEPTA Run by Vampires

"There's no debate, it's called gravy not blood, I mean pasta sauce." Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula shills for SEPTA and drives the Night Owl bus.

I've long suspected that SEPTA was run by a bunch of belligerant, know nothing know-it-alls bleeding this city dry, but who knew they hired actual vampires. Their "Genuine Philly" ad campaign can be neatly broken down into three categories: food, fightin' words, and ignorance.

Goodwill Rescinded
Not sure if this is a case of SEPTA biting the hand that feeds or whether I gave them enough rope to hang themselves. Either way, all bets are off and SEPTA can fuck off.

After praising SEPTA for their handling of the 15th Street shutdown a couple weeks ago, I was confronted with the ugly face (literally) of SEPTA on Friday. As SEPTA employees were mopping the floor at the 8th Street station I walked through the wet area. One mopper said, "It's wet, are you stupid?" The whole damned station was wet, and I remarked, "It's wet everywhere, jackass." This drew a chorus of heckling from his fellow employees, "It's wet everywhere. It's raining, it's raining." Never try to match wits with a SEPTA mopper.

Mopping the floor of a SEPTA station isn't exactly buffing the marble floor at Versailles, and in my defense I probably subconsciously walked on the freshly mopped area because it was just slightly less urine soaked than the rest of the station.

Mystery solved
A while back I reported on a trash play pen at 34th and Market that had been there for over a year. On Tuesday, there was a SEPTA truck parked next to this eyesore and by the afternoon it had been cleared away. It only took them a year to clean up their mess, but SEPTA got there...eventually.

Monday, May 22, 2006

No Iron Maidens from Philly?

Philadelphia ladies of metal, Bloody Knee Jerk still loves you, even if Ozzfest doesn't.

I can't decide if it's good or bad that the Search for Miss Ozzfest contest is skipping Philadelphia (or Camden) on August 4. It's a given that this contest is sexist and probably involves catcalls from meatheads; however, there are many attractive ladies of metal in Philadelphia deserving of attention. I suppose they could drive to Scranton, if they really want to be objectified.

For Ozzy, there will only be one true Iron Maiden.

Monday, May 15, 2006

No Amnesty for Superman!

President Bush's speech tonight on immigration neglected to mention a red-and-blue-tighted illegal immigrant who has been operating in the United States for decades.

Superman may have saved this country countless times since 1938, but that doesn't mean he should be granted immediate citizenship. That is amnesty, and it is "unfair to those who are here lawfully." It doesn't matter that he escaped from a planet that was about to explode, Superman became an illegal alien the moment his spaceship crash landed in Smallville, Kansas, U.S.A.

According to Bush's plan, Superman "will have to wait in line behind those who played by the rules and followed the law." Why should this alien who has been saving this country singlehandedly for almost 80 years become a citizen before an illegal alien who served in the U.S. Marine Corps for 26 years? When Bush talks about "jobs Americans are not doing," he means joining the military, cleaning toilets, and saving the Earth from Terrance Stamp.

Under Bush's proposed temporary worker program, Superman will be allowed to save our country from meteorites legally for "a limited period of time" and then go back to his Fortress of Solitude at the North Pole. With the new temporary work program in place, employers will have no excuse for hiring illegal immigrants, and finally Bush will be in a position to prosecute Perry White, editor of that liberal rag The Daily Planet for hiring a "Clark Kent."

Until his work permit comes through, Superman will be held in the brand new detention center Bush plans to build on the moon to hold illegal space aliens. Sure there's no air on the moon, but according to our president if illegal aliens "walk across miles of desert in the summer heat," they'll certainly volunteer to go work on a lifeless rock. Let's hope the temporary work permits run out before the air supply.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Shortest Time to Extinction Ever!

The coolest thing since the liger.
50% polar bear + 50% grizzly bear = 100% awesome.
Also 100% dead because someone shot it.
It went from mythical creature to endangered species to extinction in the span of an afternoon.

Looks like 2 Live Crew were on to something in 1989.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear went for a walk through the forest
Mama Bear asked Papa Bear could he eat her porridge
Papa Bear said 'shit bitch, you must think I'm sick
Just get down here, on your knees
And suck this badass dick'

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Why Inquirer, Why?

Another "liberal rag" bites the dust.

Today's Philadelphia Inquirer ran a picture of a Ku Klux Klan member on page A6. That's it, just a picture and a caption. There's no story accompanying the picture (taken at an anti-immigration rally), so why is it being printed?

I know the Philadelphia Inquirer is cutting staff and enlarging its font size to fill the blank space, but now they are resorting to running wire service photos of the Klan from the Birmingham News?? WTF? The Klan's ignorance and racism are protected under the First Amendment, but why are they being publicized?

What is the story here? The Klan is still active in Alabama? Well no shit. Why is the Philadelphia Inquirer advertising this fact? Protecting free speech, even for racist assholes, is safer than outlawing these beliefs and letting them fester like a cancer. There is no need to advertise for these groups.

Earlier in the week MSN.com reported on the Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner":

Outrage over what's being called "The Illegal Alien Anthem" is already building in the blogosphere and among conservative commentators.

Leave it to the Right-Wingers to insist on a unilingual country. Is there any form of tolerance, understanding, compassion, or integration that they won't shit on?

A lesson in synonyms and alliteration: Right Wing = Republican = Racist.

Addendum: 10:15 pm, May 7, 2006
After a conversation with a friend and some reflection, maybe the Inquirer was trying to make the subtle point that everyone protesting immigration is racist and the Klan is the face of that protest. Perhaps. I don't do subtlety well, and I probably wouldn't know subtlety if it hit me over the head.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Rage Against the Mundane

Perhaps it's telling that it took NPR and a Neil Young album for me to finally finish this stupid entry about the dearth of protest music in an era ripe for protest. This isn’t exactly Under the Rock, which is consistently well written and backed up by research. No, this is more akin to Smash Your Head On the (Punk) Rock: messy and haphazard with only a single source on the reference, excuse me, works cited page.

The Goats reunion show at the Khyber in January reminded me how sorely the music scene needs a dissenting voice in the current political climate.

Where have you gone Zack De La Rocha?
A nation turns its angry eyes to you.

This could be Rage Against the Machine's finest moment. So where the fuck are they? It's like Superman II all over again; 3 super villains are running the country (Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld), trampling civil liberties, and there's no one to champion the people.*

Zack disappeared after 1999's Battle of Los Angeles, but the seeds of his reclusion were planted in 1995 when the Smashing Pumpkins released their anthem to defeatism, "Bullet with Butterfly Wings." The kids were angry, the colleges were a hotbed for a slacker revolution, and then, like a wet blanket, Billy Corgan screams, "Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage!"

With one catchy chorus he took the wind out of countless angst-ridden sails and thousands of kids walked the plank into conformity, and corporate America breathed a sigh of relief. Being angry and doing something didn't mean shit, so it was off to haircuts, dead-end 9-to-5 jobs, and Starbucks-style homogenization.**

After unknowingly being used as a corporate schill, Corgan's band fell apart, his solo album sucked, and he bought an ad (on the day he released his shitty solo album) admitting he sucked and wishing he could take it all back. Too bad, pumpkin, the damage has been done.

Who's taken up the fight? System of a Down? Pretenders to the throne. Ministry? They're still fighting the good fight, but their influence has always been limited (they never packed arenas the way RATM did), and their recent efforts have been sub-par.

Damn it's great to have the Goats back.

Donde es la rock?***
Maybe it's better that Zack burned out instead of turning into Audioslave.

The current breed of hybrid supergroups have left everything good about Soundgarden, Rage Against the Machine, Guns-N-Roses, and even Stone Temple Pilots behind when they formed. Absolute crap from Velvet Revolver, Audioslave, and the re-formed Guns-N-Roses (3 songs from the forthcoming Chinese Democracy were leaked earlier this year, and they suck).

*I originally had DeLay in there when I started this entry.
**OK, I'm oversimplifying the situation. Most of the frat guys and meatheads listening to Rage Against the Machine were destined for conformity anyway.
***I use "ser" (the permanent form of "to be") because I don't think the lack of rock is a temporary situation. These bands eat ass. In the halls of supergroups, they're not Cream.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Juicy, Junior, Real Juicy

Woke up this morning with a swollen uvula, which prompted a trip to the Emergency Room. The damn thing felt like a golf ball on the back of my tongue simultaneously blocking my windpipe while also triggering a gag reflex.

This is the second time my uvula's tried to kill me. The first was about 4 years ago when I had an allergic reaction to Foster's beer (Australian for death).* Unlike that trip to the ER, I wasn't admitted to the hospital today. After an IV,** a dose of steroids, and a prescription for more steroids, my uvula shrank enough that I could swallow water, and I was discharged. Look for me to hit supernatural 500-ft home-runs and tarnish the national pastime this week. Juicing!

*I think I've made that joke about a thousand times, probably on this blog somewhere.
**Speaking of IV (as in the number 4), there's something about a fourth album that causes bands to ditch creative titles. Godsmack, whose album titles really aren't that creative to begin with, becomes the latest band to title their fourth album "four" (even though All Music Guide lists IV as their sixth record--that's a lot of mediocrity). Other bands taking off for the fourth: Cypress Hill, Stone Temple Pilots, Led Zeppelin (not really slacking as their first 4 albums were numbered), Seal, Blues Traveler, etc. While Coheed and Cambria's Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV sports a large "IV" on the cover, it is their third official release. 10-4, good buddies.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Mixed Bag

Holy Shit! Kudos to SEPTA for their handling of the closure of 15th Street station due to a fire earlier today. Riders who normally disembark at 15th for the free transfer to the Broad Street Line were forced off at 13th Street where they were greeted by SEPTA employees at EVERY turnstile and exit directing them to the free Orange Line interchange. I admit to being hard on SEPTA (deservedly so, I think), but they handled this situation well.

Earlier this month disgruntled Phillies fans showed restraint when SEPTA distributed chocolate "tokens" to riders taking the subway to the Phillies home opener. It's OK to take candy from strangers if they're wearing a SEPTA smock. As far as I know, no one jammed a "token" into the turnstile even though they were marked "Good for One Fare." Perhaps they recognized that the gesture would have missed its mark: the employee who would have had to clean out the slot wouldn't have been a SEPTA manager or policy maker.

On the down side, this eye sore has been blocking the subway entrance at 34th and Market for more than a year with no sign of any progress or work taking place. It has essentially become a trash playpen for broken beer bottles, crushed cans, a sneaker (left foot, size 11), and various debris.

This week it's become a cup holder. There are no signs indicating who's to blame for this fiasco, but inquiries are being made.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Didn't I Just Blow Your Mind, Again (Aussie Edition)

Following up on my last post, I received the same chain e-mail about the time and date aligning to 01:02:03 04/05/06 from an Australian friend with British spelling and a minor change. Down under (and pretty much everywhere that isn't the United States) the date is written day/month/year. So, if you slept through the aligning of the stars in the U.S. on April 5th, head to some other country to catch the "momentous event" on May 4th.

Thursday the 4th of May , at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

Everybody say, "huh, that's kind of interesting" and go back to sleep. 01:02:03 04/05/06 is the new 4:20.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Didn't I Just Blow Your Mind?

On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

The tidbit above came from a chain e-mail my aunt forwarded to me. Obviously the creator of the e-mail (presumably not my aunt) is short sighted. Unless he/she is privy to some end-of-the-world cataclysmic information, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06 again in 3006, 4006, 5006, etc. Maybe the author meant to write "That won't ever happen again in your lifetime."

Monday, April 03, 2006

Play Ball!

It's Opening Day 2006, and the St. Louis Cardinals are in town for their only visit of the season. I miss the days when the Cards would match up against the Phils and Mets for more than two series. Those rivalries produced some great baseball (particularly Cards vs. Mets), but I guess the geniuses at MLB thinks interleague games against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are more exciting. Enough on that though, it's a new season and the Phillies have a new slogan...the Cardinals old slogan: Red Means Go! Real original, Philadelphia. The Cards retired that slogan in 2006 (it served them well the past 3 seasons) in favor of a slogan that touts the new Busch Stadium: Welcome to Baseball Heaven. There's no way the Phils could ever claim that slogan for their own.

I am off to the game this afternoon to duck beer bottles thrown at my head, and to watch the reigning Cy Young Award winner (Chris Carpenter) and National League MVP (Albert Pujols) square off against the 2005 NL Rookie of the Year (Ryan Howard). Can some baseball guru tell me when (or if) that has happened before in an Opening Day game? Let the Ryan Howard trade rumors begin (a la Schmidt, Schilling, Rolen, Burrell, Abreu).* The Sillies Phuck!**

Go Cardinals!

*The Cardinals already have a pretty good 1st baseman, but Abreu in the outfield would be sweet, and it sounded like a distinct possibility for the Redbirds to make the move this past off-season. Even if Abreu’s best days are behind him (as many so-called experts claim), he’s still a dynamic player with sound defensive skills and a good bat. But if the Phillies faithful would rather have another Bud Smith, I’m sure the Cardinals can find one in their system. Actually, to be fair to Bud Smith, he did throw a no-hitter as a Redbird, and it was pretty damned exciting to watch (on TV). Not sure why the Philadelphia dis-Cards are still listing David Bell as the starting 3rd baseman when they have Abraham Nunez (Nunez is listed third on the depth chart behind Bell and Alex Gonzalez).

**Maybe it was carrying a sign with that phrase into Veterans Stadium that prompted the beer bottle thrown at my brother's head a few years back.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Spinto Band

The Spinto Band kazoo. My lousy picture does not do it justice. How on Earth a digital camera took an out-of-focus picture, I will never know.

Before going into a long-winded entry, let me skip to the chase: See the Spinto Band at the TLA tonight!

As one who knows and loves free swag, the Spinto Band kazoos chucked into the Starlight Ballroom audience on Sunday night (3/26/06) rank among the best. Sadly, I was not in position to snatch one from the air. Worse, the uber-hipsters who were able to make the grab, pocketed them and didn’t play along during “Brown Boxes”. Shit.

Too little, too late I paid a buck for a Spinto kazoo at the merchandise stand, so I am ready* for their TLA show on Thursday with National Eye and The Teeth (couldn’t find the official Teeth website, only lots of information on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem). I have no qualms about making an ass of myself (and embarrassing those around me), as I did at the Belle and Sebastian/New Pornographers show at the Electric Factory a few weeks ago. Yep, I was “the yelling guy in Philadelphia” (A.C. Newman’s term) shouting for “From Blown Speakers”. I was NOT the dumbass who kept asking, “Where’s Neko”? That dude needs to do his homework before coming to class.

More later.

*Or I thought I was ready. Somehow I managed to pick the one broken kazoo (missing the membrane) out of the whole pile.

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