Bloody Knee Jerk

May the Force Beer With You

2008-04-26T08:10:00.001-07:00

After seeing video of a drunk "Darth Vader" in the U.K., I searched YouTube and discovered there are more videos of people getting drunk and dressing as Darth Vader than I imagined.
The results are disturbing: karaoke, trampolines, frat guys, Star Wars conventions (Triumph did it better), paddling, confusing Darth with Superman, (must be the John Williams soundtracks), dancing, and more...

This one has an Emperor's New Clothes vibe to it: simple commentary on drinking and people who dress up as Star Wars characters.

10,000 BC: Bad Cubbies

2008-04-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

The Cubs won their 10,000 game last night.
Phillies fans can take comfort that despite their 10,000 losses they have won more World Championships in the past century than the crappy Cubs. And the Cardinals have won 10.

The Cubs still suck. And so do their fans.

*Couldn't think of anything more clever for B.C. Sorry. It's 6 o'clock in the morning.

Put Them In the Iron Mountain

2008-04-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have roots in Central and Western Pennsylvania. I am also a heavy metal fan.
I hear Iron Mountain, but think Iron Maiden.
Someday some 23rd Century Geraldo will have a prime-time special opening this vault.

As a former geology major I have to take issue with this news program's implication that no earthquakes occur in Pennsylvania. The Appalachian Mountains would not exist were it not for plate tectonics and the accompanying earthquakes.

The Shirt Off His Back

2008-03-11T17:20:00.000-07:00

My alma mater made national news yesterday!

Long story short: kid wore a t-shirt with a "patriotic" (a dubious claim) slogan and an image of a gun on it. The school asked him to turn the shirt inside out or remove it, he refused and got booted. Now the parents are suing the school claiming the administration violated the kid's freedom of expression.

As much as I believe in and champion freedom of speech and expression, the only school that was ever tolerant of students “expressing themselves” was the school on Fame!

After all the school shootings in this country, not to mention the Lancaster gunman who shot and killed 5 Amish school children, did this kid really think the school would look favorably on a t-shirt promoting gun violence?

He's going to lose this lawsuit and the shirt off his back. And when the school introduces uniforms, his classmates are going to kick his ass.

PMP: Penn Manor Pride!

Pancake Week!

2008-03-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Time to start flippin' the flapjacks, because it's Pancake Week!

I haven't perfected blini, but my banana chocolate chip creations (above) are delicious.

Stupid Fun!

2008-02-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

Hawaii's main exports are stupidity, fun, and pineapples (not shown).

Wire-less Philadelphia

2008-02-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

Forbes published a list of the the most wired cities in America.
Philadelphia ranks 26. The dream of a wireless Philly is officially dead. We're behind Columbus, Ohio (21) and Kansas City (22) for crying out loud.
The slideshow format of the list is really lame. Each slide features a stock image of the city with a few stats and figures. Never thought I'd say it, but a PDF of an Excel spreadsheet would have been better.

10-Track Mind: Bonus Tracks

2008-01-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure any one is interested in reading more about what I was listening to on my iPod, but because writing a blog is a self-indulgent exercise anyway, here goes.

2. Ice T, “New Jack Hustler,” O.G.: Original Gangster
My brother and I, both huge hip hop fans, were refused entry to see New Jack City because we were underage and living in Lancaster County. Frankly, I’m a little surprised the movie even played in our town. Not wanting us to go away empty handed (or without forking over our allowance money to Manor Cinema), the ticket window woman suggested we might see the PG-13 rated Career Opportunities. It was not about the Clash and it was such a god-awful movie that even Jennifer Connelly couldn't save it.

5.) The Decemberists, “Shankill Butchers,” The Crane Wife
"Who are you calling, 'Boring'?" I snapped this picture while Colin Meloy was doing an interview with someone else. I skipped their performance at Bonnaroo in favor of something else.

7.) The Hold Steady, “Your Little Hoodrat Friend,” Live at Lollapalooza 2006
I took these pictures during the Hold Steady's set, and I play Concertgoer #96 in the YouTube videos below.

9.) The Mountain Goats, “Weekend in Western Illinois,” Full Force Galesburg
I have a friend who hails from just outside Galesburg, and this song and album always make me think of her. I took these pictures one weekend at the 2006 Pitchfork Music Festival in Northern Illinois (Chicago).

Book Project: Generation X

2007-12-31T18:50:00.001-08:00

In 2007 I set out to read a book each month recommended by someone whose literary tastes I admire, and then sit down and discuss the book over his/her beverage of choice. These are the results.

Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture
By Douglas Coupland
Read: January 2007

The first book I read in 2007, Douglas Coupland's Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, turned out to be the worst book I’d read in 15 years, and possibly ever, and it nearly derailed my whole ridiculous Book Project. My ex-girlfriend* (henceforth to be known as “Fran,” not her real name) recommended Generation X and then declined to participate in any discussion because her Rules-reading girlfriends convinced her that this project was just an elaborate ruse to rekindle our relationship. Sigh.

Rather than give up and throw in the towel, I continued reading and cobbled together this review from two e-mails Fran sent when she recommended the book.

This wasn’t the first time a friend recommended I read Coupland. In college I picked up Girlfriend in a Coma and thought it depressing and shallow, but I was open-minded enough to give Coupland a second chance, partly because when I mentioned that I wasn’t keen on what I had read in the past, Fran wrote, “Not sure I would have been mature (jaded) enough for GenX in college… find it excellent now, though…” The ellipses are hers, nothing has been excised. Fran overuses ellipses the way Coupland overuses italics. He emphasizes everything in Generation X.

Suddenly my book project had become an opportunity to measure my growth as a person since college. Perhaps I wasn’t jaded enough in college to appreciate the ennui of Coupland’s writing. I had read and enjoyed The Stranger, Crime and Punishment, and On the Road in high school, all of which explore existential issues, but maybe those classics were more accessible and less mature than Generation X.

Girlfriend covered some of the same themes (giving up, living in the suburbs, accepting mediocrity, choosing comfort over striving for goals) as Generation X, and I suspect a lot of Coupland’s books recycle the same ideas of self pitying inactivism (ask me if you need a definition) and post-college ennui. In chapter 5 of Girlfriend, Coupland writes, “At what point in our lives do we stop blurring? When do we become crisp individuals? What must we do in order to end these fuzzy identities—to clarify just who it is we really are?” Boo hoo. The shallow character doesn’t have an identity. Even in college it seemed to me that most people who define and clarify themselves end up settling for less than what they could achieve (as opposed to those who never clarify themselves and keep striving). Clarified people are boring. They’ve stopped looking, stopped living. Crispy individuals think adventure is trying the new entrees at Chili’s. Personally, I hope I never stop “blurring,” seeking new experiences, and declining the baby-back ribs.

Am I missing the satire? Are these characters intentionally bland to skewer slackers? Does it matter? It is as if Coupland created them solely to help the reader feel better about the lack of ambition, adventure, and accomplishment in his/her boring life. Misery loves company, so to speak. If you’re looking for a book to make you feel better about your own failings, this is it. Champions of Generation X claim it accurately reflects the prevailing mindset of the X generation. To which I respond, it only mirrors the chronically boring whiners.

Contrast the losers in Generation X with the miscreants dreamed up by Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting, The Acid House, Ecstasy) and Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club, Choke). Palahniuk’s characters struggle against a society that doesn’t feel like their own; they don’t sit around sulking in the suburbs, lamenting their lot in life. Hell no! They get out there and carve a maladjusted, destructive, sleazy, base, and slightly demented niche for themselves. They’re getting busy living instead of getting busy dying, to paraphrase Bob Dylan. And that’s another thing. Palahniuk’s characters get bus-ay while Coupland’s characters are not sexy in the least. Overthinking leads the characters in Generation X to be unhappy and undersexed (to the point of asexuality). I don't know who Coupland modeled his characters on, but they don’t reflect the era I came of age in.

Fran writes, “In college, I was happy go lucky… now I know a bit more about the angst that the characters describe… I can appreciate it… and the jargon in the margins is hilarious.”

That’s “hilarious” without any Amy Sedaris-esque sarcastic inflection (hilarious). Hilarious? Coupland knows nothing of comedy. Something is only funny if you don’t (have to) explain the joke to the audience. Coupland defines terms he uses in the margins for dimbulbs who can’t decipher the meanings from the context of the writing. Perfect example from page 85: “I’ve got my own demons and I’d prefer not to have them trivialized by your Psych 101-isms.” Do you need a definition for “101-ism”? Well, Coupland thinks you do: “101-ism: The tendency to pick apart, often in minute detail, all aspects of life using half-understood pop psychology as a tool.” Was 101-ism really an unknown concept in 1991 when Generation X was published? And what exactly is so funny about that definition? Coupland commits another comedic fallacy; he repeats “jokes” multiple times in the book. One character describes himself time and time again as a lesbian trapped in a man’s body? C’mon. It wasn’t funny or original the first time. Now it’s a t-shirt slogan.

As much as I disliked this book, it wasn’t completely irredeemable. Something clicked around page 100 and I began to understand these lonely, frail, damaged people. They feel alone, which is very human, and their idea of telling stories (even self-indulgent, affected stories) as a way of searching for meaning in life is intriguing. Suddenly the promise of this being the worst book I’d read in 15 years started to wane. It was still the reigning champ, but its victory was no longer a knock-out, but a decision, and with 79 pages remaining even the decision was in jeopardy. I even stomached this hackneyed sentiment on page 129: “Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever lasts for very very long.” Bravo, Coupland, you managed to dumb down “This too shall pass.”

Then on page 147, the punch-drunk boxer righted himself from the ropes and rediscovered his ability to suck ass, and claimed the championship belt with this haymaker of shit:

“You see, when you’re middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied.”

OMG. What a fucking douche. This passage sealed the book as the king of self-pitying writing.

Spoiler alert: From this point forward, the novel barrel rolls into an anti-climactic finale in which the narrator receives a loving, gentle beat-down by “a dozen or so mentally retarded young teenagers” (177). Again I say, what a douche. This is the kind of bullshit creationism someone who has never worked in the mental health field would invent. I worked with developmentally disabled adults for three and a half years, and the beatings I took were never gentle and the broken bones and bites that required a tetanus shot are evidence to that fact. No, the type of violence enacted upon me is best described in Retardation: A Celebration:

“And while they might not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with them. Don’t do it. Puts them on edge. They might go into berserker mode, come at you like a whirling dervish-all fists and elbows. You might be screaming, ‘No! No! No!’-all they hear is ‘Who wants cake?’ Let me tell you something. They all do. They all want cake.”

Finally, I was insulted by the packaging and shitty copy editing of the novel. The editors didn’t run a spell check or Coupland forgot to define “husbnad" on page 153. Despite his character’s stance against shopping malls, Coupland’s true anti-environmental nature is revealed by the Gen X’s wasteful design. I’ve worked in publishing, and I recognize that authors do not have complete control over layout and design, but the deliberately wasted space in this book is pretentious. After all its griping about the evils of shopping malls, the packaging of Generation X is a shopping mall: big, bulky, square, with lots of unused space inside. Coupland eschews paragraph breaks on the first page of each chapter, choosing to use paragraph character marks instead. Why? Affectation. Perhaps my indignation over wasted paper is a symptom of what Coupland calls on page 127 “Paper Rabies: Hypersensitivity to littering.” Right, Dougie, we should just tolerate the jerks who come in from the suburbs to drop trash in the city.

Generation X is pop cynicism for the suburban mall reader (and the person who needs Cliffs Notes to explain written passages). A partial list of authors who better capture genuine angst includes the Beats (Kerouac, Ginsberg, Burroughs), Charles Bukowski, and Henry Miller. Bret Easton Ellis did the whole jaded young people thing better, smarter, and earlier with Less Than Zero with one major difference: Ellis’s characters are rich while Coupland’s are impoverished (financially and developmentally).

As I read Generation X, I was reminded of the film Kicking and Screaming (not the one starring Will Ferrell). Again, like Less Than Zero, the characters in K&S are affluent, but their snarky conversations, wallowing, and post-college stagnation resemble the characters in Generation X. Spoiler alert: The Kicking and Screaming kids eventually get off their asses and do things with their lives.

In summation: On a 10-point scale with 0 being absolute shit and 10 being a masterpiece, I give Generation X a 1.5 for its factual inaccuracy, lack of redeeming characters, wasteful design, and overuse of italics.

*Fran recommended other, better books in the past, but this is the one she recommended in 2007. I can't discount that this recommendation may have originated from spite. The previous worst book I had read was Bret Easton Ellis’s American Psycho.

For Those About to Spank Rock

2007-12-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

"My hip hop dick can bang like rock and roll."

City Paper's methodically compiled and scientifically formatted list of the Top 21 Albums of 2007 hit stands today. I put Okkervil River's The Stage Names at #1, but could've dropped Spank Rock and Bennie Blanco's EP in the top spot.

It’s rare when a tribute surpasses the original, but Bangers and Cash, a very obvious celebration of the raunchy lyrics and lifestyle of the 2 Live Crew, is superior to the rhymes it pays homage to. It does for dirty hip hop what Black Star did for old-school hip hop: proves that it is still relevant, mainly because it tempers the testosterone with a brilliant guest spot from Amanda Blank.

Warning: This video contains lewdness and breasts.

Well, Turn It Up, Man!

2007-12-09T17:07:00.000-08:00

Keep the volume down for the first 10 seconds, then turn it up for this jem:
"Remember the good old days? War, protests..." "Going to jail."
Not sure how The O'Jays made it on this compilation.

Lovin' the Elevator

2007-11-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

Somehow I missed the fun of National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week this year. I blame the rush to start Christmas early.

2007 Book Project, R.I.P.

2007-11-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

The 2007 Book Project is dead, long live the Book Project!

It was a noble pursuit, but my 2007 Book Project is going to fall short of its stated goal to each month read a book recommended by someone whose literary tastes I admire, and then sit down and discuss the book over his/her beverage of choice. Not a bad goal, and a nice way to get to know someone through their reading.

The 2007 Book Project began as an outgrowth of my 2006 goal of reading a book a month, which may not sound too difficult until you consider that me am Bizarro Speed Reader. The 13 books in 12 months I finished last year easily eclipsed the number of books read by a quarter of the American population.

Then I got cocky or inspired, depending on your point of view. Not content to rest on my laurels and repeat the same feat, I sought to enrich the goal by soliciting book recommendations from friends and colleagues. No one has time for a book club (and deciding on which book to read can be a disaster), so I decided to make it a book club of one (me) talking with the person about a book he/she loves. But if reading a book a month is a risky endeavor for me, the already shaky scenario was further complicated by the fact that a number of the participants on my list are ex-girlfriends. The chances for failure increased exponentially.

As it stands, I’m throwing in the towel 2 months early. The project will continue, but without the time constraint. I’m still soliciting recommendations, so if you have one, bury me with it!

In other book news, a recommender on my list clued me into GoodReads. The White Stripes (mass e-mail) invited me to compare my reading list with theirs at Shelfari. And at least 3 titles from my library are joining Book Crossing this month.

Sesame Street Runs Through Funkytown

2007-11-06T16:04:00.000-08:00

Conclusive proof that the 70s were the funkiest decade ever.

Even our education had soul.

Phone Call for Mr. Morello

2007-11-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

I was present at Bonnaroo for Tom Morello's guest spot with Tool, but somehow I missed the mid-song phone call at 2:09 of this video. At 3:30 Tom eats his guitar.

Tool banned photographers from shooting their set. Hooray You Tube! More shaky, blurry crowd video of Tool's stellar performance at Bonnaroo. "I smell patchouli!"

Love the Mohawk.

Maybe They Can Hire Perry Mason

2007-11-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

The "Rock 'N' Roll Rebel" is very upset with a North Dakota sheriff's department. It seems the sheriff stole the Madman's mojo and harnessed the dark power of his name to nab scofflaws. The sheriff sent 500 people with outstanding warrants an invitation to attend a party with Ozzy Osbourne..only there was no party, just the slammer.

It's not hard to see why the sheriff would resort to such deviousness; just say 'Ozzy' and people flock. What amazes me is that anyone fell for this ploy; for one, the "party" invitation came by mail (not e-mail). The majority of the invitees probably read the return address or realized they hadn't signed up to win any kind of Ozzy party. The more than 30 people who fell for the scam are now trying to hire Perry Mason to represent them.

Not a scam: Ozzy hits the Spectrum January 10th with Rob Zombie.
See you there.

Old Dirt Dog

2007-10-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

iTunes has (finally) released some of the recordings from Bonnaroo 2007 including Dr. Dog's phenomenal performance on June 16. Oddly, the recording is listed as "clean." I don't recall any cursing during the set (they're such nice boys), so a "dirty" or uncensored recording may not actually exist. So why the "clean" label?

Pictures from a hot day and a truly outstanding show.

Hockey Season's Here!

2007-10-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bob Probert.

First, the legend (set to metal).

Then, the disgrace.

To be fair, it is thrilling to hear, "Here Comes Probert! Here Comes Bob Probert!" And the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks really should to be pile driven for what he's done to that franchise and its fans. Except he's dead. Well, he fell into the "cock" category.

Fuck You Yankee Blue Jeans

2007-09-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

Veronica?

If you've seen Clerks, you know what this ad is referencing.

37!

And from Russia with love.

*For the record, text in the ad is Ukrainian, not Russian.

Hope You Guess My Name

2007-09-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

A devilishly fun quiz at Mental Floss.

Yes, I'm Ready for Some Football, and I Hope They Burn in Hell!

2007-09-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

Football makes a comeback this week.

Go Get 'Em, Rick

2007-08-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

Rick Ankiel is back with the Cardinals. The one-time pitcher is expected to make the starting line-up tonight in the outfield.
Here's wishing him all the luck. This guy was lights out on the mound before his problems.

This video is the best I could find of Ankiel's heartbreaking meltdown.

Are You There God? It's Me, Head.

2007-07-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch has been up to since quitting the band in 2005? Me, neither.

Korn's may have lost a Head, but they still have the ears of the fans (that corny pun is just lame), and they're doing just fine as a cover band. Pink Floyd songs have always been popular with disaffected youth, and they can probably fool a few listeners into believing "Word Up!" is theirs by counting it amongst their "Greatest Hits."

Stagnation's a bitch (or a dingo or a coyote or Jonathan Davis's mug on some canine-like animal).

Too Much Metal for One Hand!

2007-07-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

You haven't heard "The Trooper" until you've heard it like this.
Wow.

Welcome to the Bone Yard!

2007-07-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

YES! Someone finally made a quilt that's comfy and proclaims my love of heavy metal!

"He refers to our lovemaking as the Headbangers ball."

Quiltsryche passes the faux metal test because they work an umlaut into their name.
Hope they don't mind that I'm posting this image.

Rat Drink

2007-07-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Rats getting drunk in India.
Just another reason to keep beer cold: without opposable thumbs, rats can't open the fridge door.

Great Muppet Debate

2007-07-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

I remain skeptical about ranking Muppets (General Gonzo, it's corporal Kermit reporting for duty), but I like this observation...

Oh, don't get me wrong, Elmo is Scrappy-Doo covered in shaggy red felt, and I want to hunt him down and strangle him to death too.

Everyone Beats the Cubs, Even Other Cubs!

2007-06-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

I love seeing the Cubs self destruct. Especially Zambrano.
Technically the Cubs are hitting in this video, but it looks more like a slap fight.
Sadly, YouTube won't allow this video to be embedded.

BKJ Scoops Philebrity

2007-06-01T16:37:00.001-07:00

Most of the time I'm playing catch-up, but I was all over this Alyssa Milano baseball shit months before Philebrity. Word.

Arctic Monkeys 5/17/2007

2007-05-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Arctic Monkeys
Electric Factory
May 17, 2007

My view from the afternoon of seeing the Arctic Monkeys tonight was nonplussed particularly because no one was interested in going to the show with me. Nuts to them. They missed an outstanding performance.
My diminished expectations coming into the Electric Factory stemmed from having seen the Arctic Monkeys about a year ago at the Starlight Ballroom. At the time, the Monkeys were riding the crest of a hype wave that I was certain would go to their young heads. Days after the AM show, I saw Clap Your Hands Say Yeah suck out loud at the TLA after rocking the First Unitarian Church a few months earlier. The flat and uninspired TLA performance was a disappointment given CYHSY’s DIY success and blog appeal. Overachievers please try harder.
But back to the Arctic Monkeys’ Thursday night show at the Electric Factory. The band completely dispelled my cynicism with a very tight, 80-minute set punctuated with a rousing “Fake Tales of San Francisco” that had the whole auditorium dancing.
Yet for a sold out show, the floor seemed sparsely populated. The front was packed with adolescents (as expected for an all-ages show), but on the fringes there was space for the chaperones and parents to dance, stretch, and check text messages. It was kind of cute seeing families bond to a Brit rock soundtrack.
The audience was enthusiastically polite and no one seemed to mind the lack of an encore as they filed out when the house lights and exit music came on.

Evening Bulletin Was Dead Before...

2007-05-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

Searching online for downloads of the WXPN simulcast of the Modest Mouse show I was at last night, I came across a review for We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank from the Evening Bulletin. Man, does this guy love WXPN...

I came across Modest Mouse because in Philadelphia we have what is perhaps the finest terrestrial radio station in the country - FM 88.5 WXPN.

Were this 1990 when the internet was still new and 88.5 was the Philadelphia source for "college rock," I'd understand that sentiment, but c'mon. This is 2007 and there are much better stations than 88.5. WPRB is local and better. KEXP is out-of-town and better.

WXPN has improved, but it's still far from the best. Eat it, Evening Bulletin.

BKJ Scoops 'The Bachelor'

2007-04-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

This is what you learn when drinking with friends of friends.
The current dude on ABC's The Bachelor was known as "Brass Monkey" at Duke University because he was "blonde and bronze and brought little to the table. He was brassy, but not really interesting. Nice enough guy." Ah, yes. The nice guy.
I also learned he was on the swim team at Duke and grew up in Lancaster, which means he was probably on a swim team in Lancaster and given our age differences...I kicked the Bachelor's ass!
Yeah. Forget age-adjusted times. Let's take this on a purely year-by-year scale. When I was older than dirt and he was just out of pampers, he was eating my wake in the pool. Hell, he was probably still wearing water wings and pissing in the kiddie pool.
It remains to be seen whether this guy will be more or less embarrassing to the Lanc than Floyd Landis.

The Bachelor airs tonight at 9:30.

Neal Pollack Loses Lunch, Edge

2007-04-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

I liked Neal Pollack more as a phony baloney blowhard than as the yuppified “alternadad” with no stomach for ballpark food that he's become.
A Phillies dollar dog-an-inning challenge would only embarrass this Philly ex-patriot further.

Welcome WPRB Listeners

2007-04-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

Contrary to his show's slogan (Nothing but Not Hits) Brian Howard has more hits than Ryan Howard tonight.
By the way, BH has mad productions skillz! He was talking to me on the phone while his voice was on the air plugging this blog. He must have some kind of delay pedal or something. Damn!
Thanks for the plug, BH.

Ask and You Shall Receive

2007-04-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Hooray for Stars!!!!
BH takes requests. Tune in. Give him a call.
What's this? Another cover of "Ring of Fire"? Yes, it is.
I just set a Bloody Knee Jerk record for most posts in a day.

Cellphone's Dead

2007-04-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

Last song on WPRB rocked.
Now I think BH is dialing on air. No wait, it's a song. Or is it?
No, it is. "Do you believe in life after love?" The playlist has not been updated, but it's Macha Loved Bedhead (thanks BH).
This is like the time I drunk dialed the DJ only it's going the opposite way.
The rock has returned. Talk about "The Spirit of Radio." Hmm. Is Rush considered college rock? Probably not.
Hooray for Apples in Stereo!!!! Hooray for the New Pornographers!!!

Turn UP the Radio

2007-04-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yo!
My boy, BH, is on the radio RIGHT NOW!!!
Tune into WPRB 103.3 in Princeton (or www.wprb.com) right now.
He promises to stop the ambient electronica sleep music and bring tha noiz!
I called. He confirmed.
I'll call again.

Roll Credits on the Film Festival

2007-04-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Final night of the Philadelphia Film Festival means it's time for the Festival Favorites!
Tonight the Ritz East 2 featured 2 favorites not included in the program guide, so don't bother looking.

The Good Life
Canada/United States
Set in a desolate and lonely Nebraska town, The Good Life might be the most depressingly uplifting and life affirming movie since It's A Wonderful Life. For the first 100 minutes it is sad, sad, sad, and then in the final 5 minutes it finds redemption.
Hope I didn't spoil the good news ending for you.

Dog Bite Dog
Korea? (IMDB says Hong Kong, but I believe it was billed as Korean at the festival)
Violence and more violence. Violence for its own sake. Brutal violence. Ironic use of music scoring the ultraviolence.

That's it. The festival wraps with Waitress tonight.

Good News for People Who Love Bad News (i.e. The Inquirer)

2007-04-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Slate republishes a 2004 piece entitled "Pulitzer Schmulitzer" (if it's on the internet does it really need to be "republished") about the history of the Pulitzer Prize, how little any one cares about the award (other than the winners), and how to improve it.
That should make the Philadelphia Inquirer feel better about its current lowly state of front-page ads, insanely oversized photographs (space filler), deceptive advertising posing as news items, shoddy copyediting, and overall lack of substance.
Inquirer mogul Brian Tierney's must be thinking the same thing. If no one cares, why not wreck a rich history of award-winning journalism.

Film Festival: Fly Eagle, Fly!

2007-04-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

Eagle vs. Shark
New Zealand; Festival guide page 92.
A quirky romantic comedy about two misfits forging a relationship in the heat of video game battle.
This movie felt a lot like Napoleon Dynamite with claymation. There were some really funny moments andLoren Horsley is adorable as the helplessly smitten Lily, but overall it was too derivative for my tastes.
Eagle vs. Shark has been chosen as a Festival Favorite. It screens again on Tuesday, April 17 at 7:15 at the Ritz East.

The Hat of Shame

2007-04-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

No additional comment needed. A larger image can be found here (not a permanent link).

Film Festival Friday

2007-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Severance
Great Britain; Festival guide page 140
A company retreat in the woods of Hungary goes horribly awry when the employees find themselves hunted by mysterious assailants.
Hyped as "the BBC's 'The Office' re-imagined as a horror movie," Severance had several very funny moments, but it fell short as a horror movie. As soon as what was hunting the team of defense contractors was revealed, the movie became a lot less scary. The unknown is far more terrifying.
Severance has been added as a Festival Favorite; it screens Tues., April 17th at 9:30 at the Ritz 5.

On a vaguely related note, the Film in PA folks need a copy editor. Their ad on the back cover of the Philadelphia Film Festival guide is just embarrassing. It should read: Hey Eastwood, there are a million reasons to film your next baby here.

Cardinals Win!: Hell or High Water Edition

2007-04-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Phillies fans know losing. They also know a lot about the Cardinals...enough to name just about every notable (and not so notable, Greg Jefferies) player in the history of the Cardinals franchise and say something disparaging. Nonetheless, we have 10 World Series titles...and Alyssa Milano! How charming.

Further evidence of the Cardinals' long-standing commitment to winning came earlier this week. It was only a regular season game against the Pirates, but the St. Louis Cardinals came from behind to win it in the 12th.

From the St. Louis Post Dispatch:

"This is a game that we win that some other teams don't win," said La Russa, sounding as much like a proud father as a winning manager. "I'm not saying we're the only team. But you lose Rolen. You don't have Carpenter. The guy (Spiezio) who replaces Rolen is not going to play. He guts it up. You bring in an emergency starter.

"We're going to play nine hell or high water. Sometimes you get a win just because you go out there, you try hard and you do things right."

Once More With Feeling

2007-04-11T17:20:00.000-07:00

Once
Ireland; Festival guide page 39
In this beautiful film, real-life musical collaborators Glen Hansard (of The Frames) and Marketa Irglova become musical collaborators after the girl (Irglova) meets a guy (Hansard) on a Dublin sidewalk performing for change.
The film is shot primarily (entirely?) with a single hand-held camera, which gives it a very intimate feel. It's really an outstanding movie.
I’ve never been big into singer-songwriters (or wuss rock, either), but with the addition of a plot and moving images suddenly the whole genre makes sense.
Once has been picked up by Fox Searchlight Pictures, so it should see life beyond the festival circuit, and it deserves to. Cross your fingers that the big money players don’t change the ending.
Also showing at 5:15 pm on Thursday, April 12 at the Ritz East

A Job Ain't Nothin' But Work

2007-04-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

In honor fire drills and the orange vest I wear as my department's fire marshall, here's "Safety Dance!"

I actually saw this video in the 80s because it aired on Saturday mornings between cartoons. The dippy hippy chick and the Renaissance Faire vibe conjure memories like a sorcerer, and who could forget Mike Edmonds? He was Jabba's tail. Learn more about Men Without Hats at Wikipedia.

And in honor of the 2-hour meeting I had today, here's a fun little game from Adult Swim.

Revolution Called for Rain

2007-04-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Ukraine is near and dear to my heart, and I've been following the political turmoil going on over there as closely as the American media will allow (check out the Guardian Unlimited for better coverage of well, everything). Brief though their coverage may be, this paragraph in today's New York Times caught my eye.

Organizers called off the rally in Independence Square, focal point of 2004 "Orange Revolution" protests, at the last moment on Easter Monday -- a public holiday -- citing poor weather. A small crowd in the square listened to speakers amid freezing drizzle.

To me, the fact that they'll call off a protest because of inclement weather lends validity to a report that many of the protesters (on both sides of the Yushchenko-Yanukovich split) are being paid for their activism. This time around the revolution will be payrolled.

Big Screen Weekend

2007-04-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

More movies over the weekend.

Grindhouse
Not part of the Philadelphia Film Festival, just a really entertaining film if you enjoy zombies, muscle cars, ultra-violence, and profanity. Check it out at the Roxy for a true grindhouse experience.

Monkey Warfare
Canadian; Festival guide page 93.
An outstanding black comedy from Canada about ex-revolutionaries meeting the next generation of radical activists. Bringing up baby.
The accompanying short, The Saddest Boy in the World, was bizarre and funny in parts. Yes, even a short film can be uneven.
Keep your fingers crossed that Monkey Warfare will be selected as a Festival Favorite, because otherwise you missed it.

Eat It, Crows

2007-04-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

It's been 14 years since the release of "Mr. Jones," and finally someone (other than yours truly) has publicly accused Counting Crows of sucking.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force's Master Shake lays out the case against crap rock in the April 13th issue of Entertainment Weekly.

"It is incredible how stupid the lyrics to this song are. Take the worst open-mic poetry you've ever heard, then let an ugly frat boy with dreadlocks bounce around and sing it to you. There! You just saved 10 bucks."

Always listen to your milkshake, kids.* Had ATHF been around in 1993, maybe it would have saved the world from Recovering the Satellites and every CC album since.

*I pity the lactose intolerant.

Rockin' the Ritz: Around the World in 3 Films

2007-04-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

Caught 3 movies (and a short) at the Ritz 5 last night as part of the Philadelphia Film Festival.

Change of Address
French with English subtitles; Festival guide page 92.
A funny and thought-provoking relationship comedy centering on Ann and David, two strangers sharing an apartment in Paris.
There was a jump in the film during the screening I attended, which makes me think there was a reel missing, still nothing of the story was lost and the movie was very enjoyable.
It is being shown again at the Ritz 5 on Monday at 9:30.

Swedish Auto
United States; Fesival guide page 112.
Swedish Auto is a slow-burning drama starring Lukas Haas (of Witness fame) as a mechanic in Charlottesville, Virginia.
I've never had one bit of dialogue derail an entire movie for me before, but there was a line in Swedish Auto that made me giggle and completely took me out of the story. Not a bad movie, but not great. The acting was competent.
Before the main feature, there was a short film, Forward, which also involved cars. Several puzzled audience members started to leave the theater as the short credits rolled only to be reassured that the 13-minute short was not Swedish Auto. Forward packed a lot into its scant 13 minutes.
Swedish Auto will probably see wider distribution if you miss it when it screens again at the Ritz 5 on Sunday at 12:15.

Wholetrain
German with English subtitles; Festival guide page 90.
Go see Wholetrain! It's a drama about a band of graffiti artists and a celebration of a vibrant, cultural, "illegal" artform.
DeLillo's prose about graffitied trains in Underworld* was vivid, but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, and Wholetrain presents the craft beautifully. The characters are interesting (perhaps a little static), but the real stars of the movie are the art work and the hip hop soundtrack.
At the Q&A after the screening, the director revealed that Warsaw, Poland was the only city in Europe that would permit him to graffiti a train for his film. Danke, Warsaw, Danke!
Catch Wholetrain on Sunday at The Bridge at 12:00 or at the Ritz 5 on Monday at 5:00.

*I can't recommend Underworld enough.

"The 80s Smelled Like Puppets"

2007-03-31T15:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm at a cultural disadvantage because I missed out on music videos growing up (MTV didn't hit rural Lancaster until after the network had already stopped showing videos), but then someone references a Genesis video, and I'm OK that I never saw this before...

Or the Disturbed cover (with an unexpected reference to Gulliver's Travels).

But then there's this video created by someone with too much free time. Hooray for You Tube and idle hands. It's Cliff Notes for Bloodsport. This is an attention-deficit age we're living in.

*Title of this post provided by Keith.

Take the Plunge

2007-03-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm going out on a limb and putting Pride on my short list for best movie of 2007 without having seen it. It's about Philadelphia, and it's going to do for swimming what Without Limits did for running and Kingpin did for bowling. At the very least it can't be worse than Swimfan.

Makes me want to hit the pool again.

*Yes, I put Without Limits ahead of Chariots of Fire.

The Lanc Caught Nappin'

2007-03-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ohio Amish are trying to set the world buffet record currently held by Las Vegas.
All I can wonder is why the Lanc hasn't locked this title up already. We rock the smorgasbord.
Tired, Lancaster? Take a turkey nap (or a Turkey Hill nap) and get back to the table!

Still Celebrating!

2007-03-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Cardinals skipper Tony La Russa was nailed for driving under the influence in Florida. The man's a baseball genius and a friend to animals, but this is really dumb. He has his pick of rookies to chauffer him to the hotel.

I'm certainly not calling for the man's ousting (he won the World Series!), but the team does have a history of firing employees with alcohol problems.

By the way, the Cardinals begin their World Series title defense next week.

Reppin' the 215 Worldwide

2007-03-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Back in Philly later than expected because of a snow storm in New York. Rest assured that I put my two extra days in Ukraine to good use.
Rocky Balboa was one of four in-flight flicks on the return trek. After watching the end credits sequence I would like to reiterate my disappointment with the Philadelphia Museum of Art for fighting to keep the Rocky statue off its steps.

Back to the U.S.S.R.

2007-03-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

Bloody Knee Jerk will be on hiatus while I head to Ukraine for the third time in 20 years.

I'm told this is the only statue of Lenin still standing in Kyiv (Kiev).
Hooray freedom!

When I return, I'm going to see 300, the most violent, and therefore best, movie ever!*

*At least until Grindhouse hits theaters.

Here Come the Brides, Again

2007-03-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

Philly ex-pats the Burning Brides release their new album, Hang Love, on April 24th. If it kicks as much ass as the new t-shirt design (above), I'm sold.

No Law, No Order Till Orbach Gets a Corner!

2007-03-07T05:59:00.000-08:00

The New York Times has a story today ($) about roadblocks to a proposal to name a Manhattan street corner for iconic actor, Jerry Orbach.

Law & Order fans should take to the streets in support of the naming. I've even come up with a humdinger of a chant they can use: "No Law! No Order! Till Orbach Gets a Corner!"

At Long Last...Mastodon!

2007-03-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

If you've been keeping up on your Bloody Knee Jerk, you know I've been hunting the elusive Mastodon for some time. Well, I finally bagged the beast, and its awesomeness will be on display in Philly May 18th at the Electric Factory.
Prepare to have your face rocked the fuck off!

A Modest Proposal

2007-02-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

As a backwoods bumpkin who loves a good hoedown, I've always felt a connection existed between Modest Mouse and Primus because of the irresistable stompability of their music.
Modest Mouse's "Dashboard" video confirms my suspicions.
Calling Brock the Fisherman. Fish on!

Free Bling!

2007-02-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

How is this for the mac daddy-daddy mac of all promotional giveaways?

On April 3, 2007, all fans at the Cardinals season opener receive a replica World Series ring. Bling bling!

Mastodon Still Hates Philly

2007-02-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

Mastodon expanded its 2007 tour again. Still no Philly show.

Groundhog vs. Chicken: Round 1

2007-02-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

Wing Bowl, Schming Bowl (save for Sean Agnew's hilarious live coverage for Philebrity). True Pennsylvania drinking devotees were getting sauced in the woods and not a parking lot this morning. Yep, it's Groundhog Day!

Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early spring. But my man out in Quarryville, Octorara Orphie, says its going to be 6 more weeks of winter. If you know your weather-prognosticating varmints, then you know Orphie's the real deal (Phil's the Miller Lite of groundhogs--popular but without substance or flavor). C'mon snow!

How this heinous crime escaped my notice is beyond me. When I find the full text, I'll post it.

A Bridge Too Far

2007-01-31T18:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I crossed the creek in the woods, but as a young reader I never envisioned Bridge to Terabithia as the fantasmagorical CGI romp Disney has created.

If the film stays true to the book's ending, this trailer is really misleading and it's going to piss off a lot of uninformed moviegoers.
Without spoiling the book, let's just say: No sequel.

Now Hear This: It's Movie Time!

2007-01-25T05:20:00.000-08:00

Philly heroes, Audible, have landed a song in the new Jennifer Garner-Kevin Smith flick, Catch and Release.
What's more, "Sky Signal" made the soundtrack alongside tracks by Foo Fighters, Gomez, and The Lemonheads! Cha-ching!

Mo' Features, Mo' Problems

2007-01-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

So, I switched to Blogger's new version, and my post from January 15th was lost.
I'll recreate it this evening, but in the meantime...up yours, Blogger.com!

Always Do the Right Thing

2007-01-15T13:45:00.000-08:00

You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.
--Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Words, words. This blog of words began 2 years ago. It was inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and others brave enough to stand against inequity.

Stay vigilant against racism, and confront discrimination in all its forms. Educate yourself; it's the first step towards solving the problems of inequity in the land of the free (and around the world).
What we need is awareness, we can't get careless!
--Chuck D, Public Enemy

Love the old burgundy Phillies cap. It was unique.
Add Public Enemy to Philebrity's list of 50 Fabulous Freaks.

Quest For Blood Mountain!

2007-01-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I didn't think Mastodon's Blood Mountain could get any better.
Boy, was I wrong!
Now the experience of Blood Mountain is available as a kick-ass video game!

And Cat Power has the nerve to call her album The Greatest. Yeah? Bring it.

Blood Mountain: still the best album of 2006!

Quest for Blood Mountain: the best non-Guitar Hero II rock-based video game since Journey Escape.

Smile

2007-01-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

Anything I write about this will just detract from its brilliance.*

*Props to my homegirl, Michelle, for pointing this out.

Now She Can Buy Flour When She Lands

2007-01-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

The city of Philadelphia settled the lawsuit from a woman who was carrying flour-filled condoms onto a plane. She got $180,000.00 when she should have gotten a gafflin'.

I wish I were dumb enough to think of something completely stupid for the city to pay for. And I don't mean The Gross Clinic.*
Stupid like a fox!

*At last report, the principal at the Rhodes School was sucking the teat of Teach for America, and non-TFA teachers didn't have textbooks for their students. I'm just saying. $180,000 could probably buy at least 1 book for 100 students to share.

The Strength of Street Knowledge

2007-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

Time to test your N.W.A.ledge, kid.
You can't top my perfect score (with all bonus questions correct), but you can still represent.

All answers courtesy of the incomparable Straight Outta Compton LP.
If you don't own it, your whole music collection sucks.

*Dig the quiz, but dude needs to check his spelling. Straight Out Of Compton??? What the hell is that shit?

Idol Chatter

2007-01-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

Mastodon's Blood Mountain is #24 on Idolator's first Jackin' Pop Critics Poll. Click around on the site, you might find the list I contributed (or not).

This Is The List That Rocks

2006-12-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

The City Paper unveiled its list of the Top 21 albums of 2006 today based on careful calculations from staff picks (click #16 for my review of Belle and Sebastian's The Life Pursuit). As good as the list is in print, it’s even better online. I’ve already wasted the better part of an hour clicking on the wonderful Databot Listamatron. I love this thing! With a single click, it shows me that no other critic even considered Mastodon worthy of mention.

The Bloody Knee Jerk Albums of the Year List
1. Mastodon, Blood Mountain
2. Band of Horses, Everything All the Time
3. Belle and Sebastian, The Life Pursuit
4. Wolfmother, Wolfmother
5. Artic Monkeys, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
6. The Decemberists, The Crane’s Wife
7. Islands, Return to the Sea
8. The Hold Steady, Boys and Girls in America
9. Yo La Tengo, I Am Not Afraid of You, and I Will Beat Your Ass!
10. Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere

The Hold Steady’s Boys and Girls in America tops the CP list (#8 above), but other than Gnarls Barkley (#10, both lists), none of my choices resonated strongly enough to make the top 10. Three of my choices made the top 21, which speaks to the diversity of the critics and my list. As any good critic knows, there's a world of difference between studio and stage, so even though I ranked Wolfmother's album ahead of the Hold Steady this year, I was at the North Star for the Hold Steady and not the Electric Factory for Wolfmother on November 21, 2006. That said, both bands turned in fantastic performances at Lollapalooza in August.

Mastodon’s Blood Mountain reigns as my pick for album of the year because it’s been a long time since an album’s had me running around the room making train noises and ramming my head into the wall. Blood Mountain kicks so much ass that I couldn’t justify denying it top billing on my list just because Mastodon left Philly off their tour. Relapse Records (Mastodon’s label) is based in Upper Darby with a store just off South Street, and the band still skipped us. Unconscionable. Nonetheless, great music will prevail and I’m proud to say that I was the only reviewer putting Blood fuckin’ Mountain on my list, and number 1 to boot (black steel-toe, to the head).

It is impossible to hear every record released in a given year. I missed the Art Brut boat in 2005. Bang Bang Rock N Roll was released stateside in 2006, but putting it on my list would be akin to breaking my hip (Ha!), and I fear the wrath of Pelusi. Likewise, I only picked up Clipse’s Hell Hath No Fury CD last week (after CP polls were closed). Holy shit, this is a fine piece of work. Maybe I’m crazy, but I would rank it #4, which means that Gnarls gets bumped.

It’s a top 10 list, not a top 100 list, so the following albums although quite good, didn’t make the cut: Ghostface Killa, Fishscale; Regina Spektor, Begin to Hope; Cat Power, The Greatest; M Ward, Post War; The Flaming Lips, At War with the Mystics, and 80 albums I’m forgetting. Cat Power’s album is amazingly beautiful, but my approach to these end-of-year lists precludes me from including it because I rarely have the desire to listen to it. It collects dust along with 88% of my CD collection, and I skip its songs when they come up on my iPod (although I don’t go so far as to remove them). Pretty songs put me to sleep.

It’s A Material World Award
Tool, 10,000 Days
Regardless of the quality of the music inside, the packaging on a Tool album is always a work of art. Be it the magic motion inserts on Aenima, the multi-layered psychedelic medical booklet for Lateralus, or the fold-out viewfinder on 10,000 Days, thes artwork is innovative, visually stunning, and recalls classic LP covers, such as the zipper on the Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers and the wheel on Led Zeppelin III. Using the compact disc format to its full artistic potential is one way to discourage illegal downloading, and downloading in general.

Attention Chief Wiggum

2006-12-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

Upcoming Philadelphia events:
Jan. 18, Bob Seger at the Spectrum
Jan. 19, Bob Saget at the Tower Theater

Fans of The Simpsons will recall the hilarious conversation between Lisa and Chief Wiggum in which he mistakes Bob Saget tickets for Bob Seger tickets. Mercy.

Worst. Post. Ever.

Ad It Up

2006-12-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

Last Monday during Monday Night Football, two ads aired in succession that got me thinking.

The first ad was a postmodern piece for Sony's Playstation 3. It shows the product having a supernatural effect on a doll. What does it mean? Who cares? The ad doesn't have to make sense to sell this gaming console. Hell, Sony probably doesn't even need advertising to sell out this gaming console for Christmas. They could put a turd in a box, mark it PS3 and well...

The second ad took a more classic approach. It featured an iconic hero, a recognizable theme, and played to our love of the underdog. Yes, it was an ad for Rocky Balboa. Haters out there will put this movie down, but it can be argued that Rocky's done more good for Philadelphia in the past 30 years than anyone not named Rendell, Schmidt, or (person to be determined).

Merry Lex-Mas: Let Them Eat Brakes

2006-12-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

This Lexus commercial really bugs me.
Who are these suckers pulling their lawn chairs up to the curb outside this suburban McMansion to share the joy of a yuppie Christmas?
The poor? The hungry?
The huddled masses yearning to breathe free SUV exhaust?
Joy to the world.

Peter Boyle, RIP: 1935--2006

2006-12-13T15:38:00.000-08:00

The world bids farewell to La Salle University's most famous non-athlete graduate.
Peter Boyle died today at the age of 71.
Recommended viewing: Taxi Driver, Young Frankenstein, or that really excellent episode of The X-Files. Unable to find any of those titles, pick something else from the man's stellar resume.

A Toast at Your Wake

2006-12-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

See you in hell, teetotalers! I'll tip my 40 on your grave when I'm 150.
Oh wait, there's a moderation clause. Damn.

She Likes COLD Beverages

2006-12-11T05:50:00.000-08:00

Woman in St. Louis kills her 70-year-old husband because he gave her a warm beer.
Damn, that's cold blooded.
Still, he should have known at his age not to give his best gal a warm beer. It doesn't matter that the electricity was out; a true player always has a bucket of ice on hand (or hoofs it to the 7-11) for just this kind of situation. Word.

The Philadelphia Sixers: Don't Trade Iverson

2006-12-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

So the Sixers are the only winter sports team in this town that hasn't won 6 games yet.
Now they're going to trade Allen Iverson.
I have nothing to add except: Don't trade your best player, you morons!

Mastodon Fails to Rock Philly

2006-12-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

Mastodon hates Philadelphia. There can be no other explanation for why there's no Philly date on their upcoming tour.

I was going to rank Blood Mountain in my Top 10 albums of 2006, but now I just don't know.

Are You Ready for Some Reading?

2006-12-05T16:13:00.000-08:00

TV Guide is no longer just for TV listings and fanatics of "The Guide."

The Guide's weekly Monday Night Football blog by Philly talent Keith Presnall is essential Tuesday reading (and not just for the references to Chuck D, Stone Cold, and Dee Snyder).

Until Then, You're Not Right!

2006-12-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

My beloved, 2006 World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals have been selected to play in the first Civil Rights Game on March 31, 2007 in Memphis.

Their opponent? The Cleveland Indians.

Nothing like celebrating the civil rights movement while offending Native Americans.

If only I knew how to insert an MP3 of Atom and His Package's "If You Own the Washington Redskins, You're a Cock" here.

Inky Come Lately

2006-11-25T07:35:00.000-08:00

The Philadelphia Inquirer decided today to report on musicians being robbed of their gear in Philly. Philebrity pointed out the Metro's slow-on-the-draw coverage of this trend over a month ago. My favorite sentence from the Inky story is:

At least eight bands have had their equipment stolen while on tour in the city since March, the most recent earlier this month.

The bold print is my emphasis as I note that today is November 25. I can't wait to read the Inky's Thanksgiving Day coverage this Christmas.

Philly Owns Christmas!

2006-11-25T06:49:00.000-08:00

That's right. Philadelphia is all over Christmas this year.

At least at the box office.

Hometown hero Will Smith tugs the heart strings December 15th in The Pursuit of Happyness (can't say I approve of the spelling, but there's probably an explanation), while Sylvester Stallone delivers body blows December 22nd in Rocky Balboa, shot here in Philly.

The Rocky site plays the "Gonna Fly Now" theme. Turn that shit up!

Happy Thanksgiving 2006

2006-11-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Feeding on the encouragement of one BKJ reader, I'm live blogging the Thanksgiving Day parades again this year from the warmth and comfort of Lancaster, PA.

Last night's fun at the Khyber ended too late for Amtrak, so I was on the rails early this morning and we're joining our holiday program already in progress.

8:55 AM: It's raining in Philadelphia, and from the looks of the wet spots on the backs of one dancer's yellow parachute pants, this guy took a spill somewhere along the parade route.

Still in Philadelphia, here comes the first balloon of the day. It's Barney! Or some facsimile of Barney. It's big, it's pink/purple, and it looks like a dinosaur, but I'm pretty sure this is a sweat-shop bootleg Barney.

Pat Sajak takes Tony Danza's place as the honorary grand marshall of the parade this year. His duties are pretty simple. "My job is to eat the turkey."

9:06 New York: The 80th Macy's Thanksgiving Parade has gotten underway, and the rain is falling on A Chorus Line. The line between attractive for stage and attractive for television has blurred dramatically, or this could just be par for NYC. No doubt these actors are the envy of every other parade participant today--they're done for the day.

9:2? Philadelphia: I've already lost track of time (can't see the clock from my chair). Winnie the Pooh is making his way past the Art Museum. The narration of the parade is surprisingly informative, going into detail about A. A. Milne's creation. Pooh-san is much beloved in Japan (as is the next character, Hello Kitty--Kitty-chan), and I was fortunate enough to see my 2-year-old niece meet him at Disney World in October. I'll keep the personal remarks to a minimum. Oh, look who's decided to show up; it's Mayor John Street.

Cecily Tynan is having way too much fun with the Pirate Cove float and the nautical dialogue. Of course, she has some experience in these matters.

9:28 New York: What the hell is going on? These kids look like Oompa Loompas. Oh, it's the Grinch. Look, he's stealing Christmas. OK. The song's over. Wait. Where's he going? Is he coming back? We just saw him steal Christmas, but they left out the Grinch's transformation and change of heart. The whole lesson of the story has been lost. It seems appropriate that both parades have gone to commercial at this moment.

Bloody Mary time.

9:34 New York: Martin Short in a helicopter is actually funny. The Color Purple's "Mysterious Ways" sounds nothing like U2's version.

9:36 Philadelphia: Kelly Ripa is back in Philadelphia, perky as ever. Hilarity enrupts in our living room when they begin airing recorded clips of Disney on Ice and my father unwittingly asks, "How did they get the ice on the street?" Mercy.

More commercials. While the ads run, I come across the following facts from NPR: The balloons in New York must come down if the wind gusts to 34 miles per hour, or the wind blows at a sustained 23 mph. Only once, 1973, did the balloons have to come down.

9:50 Philadelphia: Sajak's out, Ripa's in. This has become a parade tradition: Ripa infusing new blood into the back end of the ceremony.

9:53 New York: The Rockettes have arrived. Those costumes do not look warm. My uncle just announced out of the blue, "I'm not fond of fondue."

9:54 Philadelphia: Kelly's turkey hat is fantastic! And here's 12-year-old Bianca Ryan. Just wait until her voice changes, she'll be coked-up and washed out, but she'll always remember the time when she was America's sweetheart. Huh, look at that split screen technology. It's like she's singing to herself.

10:00 Philadelphia: Someone is performing "Walk Like an Egyptian," and Kelly's wearing a King Tut hat. I just realized that every time a marching band comes along, the Philadelphia parade cuts to commercial.

10:13 Philadelphia: Civic Pride Moment: Philly celebrates its roots and Kevin Bacon with a tribute to Footloose. The man himself is nowhere in sight.

10:20 New York: Said of the Mr. Peanut balloon: "a legend among legumes." The broadcasters are announcing "a surprise visit by the Energizer Bunny." A surprise? Really? C'mon.

10:26 Philadelphia: Desperate to sate her hat addiction, Kelly's stolen Cecily Tynan's baby's hat. Let the "Kelly eats children" rumors start.

10:32 New York: The Sesame Street characters are singing about "another sunny day." The parade's gone metaphorical. Deeeeep. And now, New York has a King Tut performance, too. Sure, their dancers didn't bump into each other the way ours did, but only Philadelphia will be hosting the real King Tut.

11:07 New York: Why are Daryl Hall and John Oates performing in the New York parade? Shouldn't they be in Philly? They are treating the City of Brotherly Love like an abandoned luncheonette. Where is their plaque: Broad Street or Broadway? Tear it up! Boo! I'm out of here. Actually, I nod off into a disheartened slumber and wake up midway through the first quarter of the Lions-Dolphins game. Something smells good.

Guess What's Still F'd Up

2006-11-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

One week and counting to fix a broken handrail at 34th and Market.
Ah, SEPTA.

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick

2006-11-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

Last night there was a huge banner of 2006 National League MVP Ryan Howard on City Hall. I saw it on the way to the North Star for the Hold Steady show, but I was sans camera. Even though I am not a Phillies fan, I recognize that Howard's achievement is great publicity for this city I call home, and I planned on dropping by the Hall today to snap a picture.

This award is a big deal, right? It was a big deal for me when Albert "El Hombre" Pujols took the honor in 2005. So, you'd think Philadelphia would hang that banner proudly for a while, right?

Wrong.

The banner was already gone this afternoon, and I'm left reprinting the stock image that's all over the internet.

When I read this story about Mayor Street botching Ryan Howard's name at the ceremony, I realized the banner wasn't meant as a tribute, it was just a giant cue card for Hizzoner. Next time, the mayor's handlers should make the cue card bigger and place it in front of the podium, not behind it.

One last thought: Howard for Mayor.

*in the interest of giving the full story, the banner originated at Citizens Bank Park, and I believe it's been returned there (unconfirmed).

Modest Mouse on Marr

2006-11-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

All the years of being "The City that Never Sleeps" finally caught up with the Big Apple, as New York City seemed tired last night.

The level of affected boredom in that town always drives me nuts, but it was particularly irritating last night at the Bowery Ballroom for Modest Mouse.

Let's go to the tale of the texts.

8:30: Bowery Ballroom is a fantastic venue!
Still relatively sober as I send this message. The Bowery is a great place to see a show, better than the Roseland.

9:30: David Cross and Johnny Marr performing a parody of U2’s “One” in commemoration of the Bank of America merger. Funny stuff.

About 5 beers into the show at this point. Opening act Marcellus Hall is lounging in a private, screened off room in the back of the balcony. I later discovered the Bank of America song that Johnny Marr and David Cross sang was actually performed at a Bank of America corporate event to celebrate their merger with MBNA.

Soon after sending this text I stepped across the velvet rope into the VIP section, removed a table tent emblazoned with "Reserved Modest Mouse" and had a front-railing view of the stage. The only problem was sneaking back in whenever my beer cup ran dry.

11:??: Best show ever. Ever.
Texted this after Modest Mouse played "Trailer Trash." Closing their encore with "Doin' the Cockroach" also cemented this sentiment in my mind. In the sober light of day, this show was fantastic, but I'm not sure it can top the time I saw Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick performing "The Show" (not the featured link, but really worth watching).

The only defense I have for my following name-dropping is that it was my first celebrity run-in (except when I saw this guy in Lancaster about 20 years ago). With the opening strands of “Doin’ the Cockroach,” I yelled, “David, good to see you,” shook Cross’s hand (abiding Ice Cube's words), ran down the stairs, and waded straight to the front of the stage before Isaac announced, “I was in heaven, I was in hell, believe in neither but fear ‘em as well…”

As the drunken bumpkin from the sticks (Philly), I was completely entertained and going bananas, as every one around me was doing their best to appear bored. At least they were nodding to the music. As I was stompin' my feet and jumping around, I high-fived a guy in the middle of "Cockroach"—damn, you should’ve seen the scared look in his eyes. He gave me his wallet.

I waded unaccosted to the front of the crowd like a giant through tall grass, and I was drumming on the stage by the end of the song. Right in front. Stompin and pogoing, and generally being a rowdy concertgoer in the midst of a bunch of staid, bored hipsters. This would never happen in Philadelphia, I've tried. Bunch of dispassionate, world-weary fuckers. Philly kicks NYC’s ass.

??:??: NYC is a town of pussies and posers. I am king of of New York.
The double “of” was not intentional. The alcohol hammer had dropped.

After the show, it was over to Brooklyn where I met the "grandmother of literary hipsters," Maud, who hates to be called “grandmother” or “hipster,” even though that's how my friend described her. For the rest of the night, I had to keep this in mind as Mrs. Parker's devotees maintained a steady stream of doting at the round table. She seemed like a good shit (and was dressed a bit like the Queen's mum), and you gotta give her credit for keeping her blog going after the novel-ty has worn off for her.

My friend Dennis was also at the bar. When "The Writer's Mind" opens in New York, go see it.

Modest Mouse: 11/18/2006
Dramamine
Paper-Thin Walls
Float On
The View
Fire It Up
We’ve Got Everything
Bukowski
Missed the Boat
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes
Breakthrough
Black Cadillacs
Trailer Trash
Dashboard

Encore
Continental Breakfast???
Ocean Breathes Salty
Bury Me With It
Doin’ the Cockroach

The Philadelphia Sixers: Update

2006-11-17T07:20:00.001-08:00

Don't look now, but the Flyers have won 2 in a row. One more win on Saturday, and they'll be the first Philadelphia sports team to hit 6 wins this season.

The Sixers won on Wednesday to improve to 4-3, so they're still in the running to be the first to 6 wins.

The Eagles (5-4) square off against the Titans on Sunday.

The Philadelphia Sixers?

2006-11-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

The Philly.com sports section leads with its comprehensive and in-depth coverage of how bad Philadelphia sports teams suck. It's a portrait of futility that The Blarney Stone commemorates with a board detailing years and games lost by the Flyers, Sixers, Phillies, and Eagles since this town's last championship (1983 Sixers).

Taking a look at the sports in season at the moment, I wonder: Which team will be the real 6-ers come Sunday?

The Flyers are an abysmal 3-12-2 with 3 games to play before Sunday (11/15, 11/16, and 11/18)
The Sixers (3-3) got off to a fast start before returning to mediocrity. They could be 6-3 if they win on 11/15, 11/17, and 11/18.
The Eagles are a hair over .500 with a 5-4 record. If they beat the Titans on Sunday, they'll be 6-4.

So, will the real "sixers" please stand up?

Anne Frank's Tree

2006-11-15T04:38:00.001-08:00

The chestnut tree growing outside of Anne Frank's house (huis) in Amsterdam is going to be cut down because it is rotten with fungus.
Nothing to add, just putting the word out in case Bloody Knee Jerk is your source for news.

I wish I could save it with some sort of pesticide.

Taking Excellence to New Lows

2006-11-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

Most uninspired headline ever. Courtesy of the new Philadelphia Inquirer.

The Decemberists perform at the Electric Factory

Perhaps it is fitting that this uninspired show was given such an uninspired headline. The Decemberists played like they were going through the motions. Welcome to Dullsville.

Tower Records, R.I.P., But Still a Rip!

2006-11-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

Certainly not fresh news, but Tower Records is going out of business. They've hired people to stand on the corner with signs foretelling their demise and promising big savings.

Currently these big savings are 30% rock and pop CDs (40% off hip hop). That's 30 percent off the list price, which at Tower Records was always $15.99 and up. Quick math prices CDs that used to cost $15.99--$18.99 at $11.20--$13.30.

Congratulations Tower Records, you're finally selling CDs at a price comparable to what A.K.A. Music has always charged. Don't let your boarded-up front door hit you in the ass as you leave South Street (or the revolving door on Broad Street).

Ghost of Christmas Past

2006-11-02T18:00:00.000-08:00

It's only November, but with the rash of Flyers firings and resignations, Christmas has come early!

Dec. 9 at the Keswick Theater: A Peter White Christmas.
Share the holiday spirit with a 4th-line center who never hustled and his drunken, out-of-work father-in-law. All the seasonal pageantry of a has-been and a never was…on ice!

Unless there's another Peter White (Warning: link plays smooth jazz).

Get Your Fringe On!

2006-09-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight marks my unbilled Fringe Festival debut.

Come see Speak! Mascot

September 8--10 with It or Her (2 shows for the price of 1!)
Mum Puppettheatre
115 Arch Street
7 pm
215-413-1318

My role is tiny. The show is great!

I really need to update this blog more often.

40 oz to Freedom, but Not to Northern Liberties

2006-07-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

What is this horseshit? No 40s to be sold in Northern Liberties? Just one more reason for me not to visit. Don't get me wrong. No Libs is fine--if you live there or own a car. Otherwise, it sucks to fuckin' get there.
But more to the point: 40 ounces or fight! Or 40 ounces and fight. Whichever.

Burning the Flag? Fire Works!

2006-07-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!

Freedom lives!!!!

This week the amendment to ban flag burning was defeated in the Senate by 1 vote.

Republicans would like to brand the left as a bunch of cowards who hate America and refuse to fight. Fuck that shit. I will take up arms (thank you 2nd amendment) in defense of the 1st amendment. Hooray for freedom of expression!

I'm expressin' with my full capabilities, And now I'm livin' in correctional facilities
Cause some don't agree with how I do this.
-Dr. Dre, "Express Yourself", 1989

I may be unoriginal in many respects, but one thought I had this week that I have not heard voiced is my opinion that forced reverence for the flag weakens our nation. I was brought up with a healthy dose of American history and I respect America too much to force someone to worship its flag. I rise at baseball games and remove my cap when the national anthem is played because I learned to respect this country through my education. I was fortunate enough to have teachers in elementary and secondary schools who introduced me to American history and civics, and I paid a lot of fucking attention.

Forcing Americans to praise the flag by enacting a new amendment to ban flag desecration is both lazy and fascist. It devalues the flag to force Americans to worship it without question. From the Philadelphia Inquirer on June 25, 2006:

The countries that enacted national bans on flag desecration are Cuba, China, Iran, Nazi Germany, and Iraq under Saddam Hussein.

Hmm. I think I saw at least one of those countries listed in the Axis of Evil. George W. Bush, who dodged the draft in Vietnam, wants to ban flag burning, while John Kerry, a decorated veteran, stands against a constitutional amendment. Who understands the nature of American freedom better? No flip flop here. It’s time to readjust the bell curve for I.Q. based on the results of the 2004 presidential election and the USA Today poll indicating that 56% of Americans approve of an amendment to ban flag burning. The first amendement protects freedom. As much as I hate racists, the 1st Amendment protects their freedom of speech. So when the Republicans want to ban flag burning, I can only agree with Ice Cube: "You can burn your cross, while I burn your flag."

It brings me no pleasure to point out the following similarity:

I'm not buying what you're selling.

Sleater-Kinney Leave You Behind

2006-06-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit! Sleater-Kinney are breaking up.
Holy double shit! There are still tickets left to their July 31st show at the Starlight Ballroom.
If you miss out on this one, don't come crying to me. And don't mug me for my ticket, either.
Adios, Sleater-Kinney!

Reign in Blood(y Knee Jerk)

2006-06-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

All Slayer, All the Time!
Like triple 6's, here's my third consecutive post on Slayer.
Stop staring at the cover of the City Paper and read this week's Blistered in the Sun here (hint: it's about Slayer).
Now for the photos.

Also: Tweeter Center staff have festive new uniforms this summer.

SLAYER!!!

2006-06-16T01:32:00.000-07:00

Back from the Slayer show at the Tweeter Center, my first and possibly only stop there this summer. The Tweeter Center's been my home away from home these past 3 summers, but no longer. Tonight's Slayer show might be my first and last appearance at Camden's big house.

Also on the agenda of firsts and lasts is taking a camera to a metal show. Shit. I can't mix it up properly in the pit if I'm constantly worried about breaking the camera in my pocket. What was that Fight Club quote? The things you own end up owning you?

Got some excellent shots tonight, but also got a few clunkers like the one at the top of the page and the following.
This is a hat worn by the girl in front of me. For some reason, my camera switched from instant snapshot to a 5-second delay mode. I thought I was taking a picture of Children of Bodom, but instead I got this camouflaged chapeau. I feel a bit like the Greatest American Hero--I lost the instruction manual to this camera, and I have no idea how to use its power. Sometimes it's great (Lollapalooza 2005), other times the pictures are as shitty as my high school photo class snapshots (which I tended to solarize to compensate for my declining vision). Not sure why a digital camera is taking blurry pictures. Maybe the metal was just too fuckin' fast.

A review of this show will may appear as Blistered in the Sun in next Thursday's City Paper.

Speaking of the City Paper, I managed to escape the notice and ire of Philebrity this week when they named names of CP staffers with blogs. Probably because this fucking blog is updated once a decade and only read by my mom (Hi Mom). Nonetheless, Pat Rapa hit the nail on the head when he called Philebrity on the whole blogger complains about other blogs bullshit. I'm guilty of it. Coincidentally, I have a picture of myself sitting in the clog featured on the Philebrity post. I'm a tourist.

SLAYER!!!!!